Episode 87: Go Home, Henry

April 3, 2024

Well, well, well, it appears the spooky season is upon us once again! So prepare yourselves, mortals for…huh? This episode is actually for March? And it ended up being late so it’s coming out in April and so now it is even further divorced from October? Hm. Uh, okay then. So, despite all of that, we are still gonna be talking about Girl Vs. Monster here I’m afraid. Speaking of fear, this movie’s all about it! Namely in regards to a bunch of monster hunting that definitely isn’t just Ghostbusting, and getting over your stage fright to perform in what turns out to basically be a musical? It’s a wild one, gang.

Lucas stans his beloved and joins the men’s rights movement.

Emma is all about Myra and jams out with the music.

Talking Points: Terrible Titling, Actors Understanding The Assignment, Our Disney Channel Nite Exclusive Review, Some Of The Worst Worldbuilding Ever, The Confusing Cold Open, A Surprise Musical, The Back Nine, THE AWFUL CGI, The Slightly Less Awful Costuming, The Garlic Argument, The Fedora’d Cobb, Unhinged School Day Halloween Costumes, It’s The Second Banner That Gets You, Myra Dies, Ryan’s Insane Garage, Myra’s Donald Duck Injury, Do The Monsters Hurt People?, Sponsored By Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire, What Happened With Her Phone?!, The Villain Is Just A Mean Lady, The Massive Info Dump, Reformed Monster Hunting, The Worst Wig, The Villain Humor Kinda Works, The Bird Shot, It’s Always Sunny In Vancouver, What Is Deimata Doing?, Don’t Make Me Sing *Wink*, A Surprisingly Salacious Showing, Sadie Surprises, Myra Dies Again, Jelly Fingers, Freelance Monsters, Missing The Monster Mash, Have Monsters Gone Public?, The Messy Climax, Steve’s Super Strength, Half-assed Wrap-up, We Talk About Theme Parks Now?

Music: “Fearless” Performed By Olivia Holt

Episode 86: A Dark Twisted Dance Past

February 29, 2024

Yes, dear listeners. I can hear you all now. “What’s this?! an episode being out at a normal time for once?! How can this be?!” Well, it’s just one of the many thing you can accomplish when you open yourself to the power of three little words: SI SE PUEDE! Not every lesson in Gotta Kick It Up rings as true as that one, but more of this film holds up than could be expected of it. While not everything is as strong as it should be, it definitely could be seen as being more than the some of its parts. So, what are you waiting for? Hop in a car, being driven by essentially a stranger without telling your loved ones, and enjoy! This movie makes that seem totally okay to do, so you’ll be fine.

Emma does some hambone and worries about these girls’ safety.

Lucas has a new energy for this one and largely regrets it by the end.

Talking Points: No Cheerleading Here Surprisingly, Not a Lot of America, HOW OLD ARE THESE GIRLS?!, Poor Marisol, A School Store Unlike Any Other, Stand And Deliver Light, A Single Mom Who Works Too Hard, The Dot-Com Bubble, How Easy Is It To Become A Teacher?, The West Wing Embargo Continues, High School Drama Club Stories, The Tragedy of Chuy, The Dance Team Sucks, Super Minor Rules Being Dealbreakers, This Gym Scene Is A Trainwreck, Has Shop Class Ever Existed?, Some Confusing Audition Choices, The Previous Coach’s Sudden Disappearance, It’s Hard Making Dance Look Good Or Bad, What Did She Teach You All?, Disney Would Never Let Them Do This…Right?, Shawshank And Sweet Potatoes, The Easiest Problem To Solve, The Most Biased Judge, Julliard Must Have Really Sucked, This Fight Is Totally Out of Nowhere, A Very Long Story About Our Dad Almost Dying, This Car Wash Slaps, She Should Have Taken Another “Internet Job”, Why/How Did You All Lose Your Pom-Poms?!, Super Abrupt Ending, We Just Kind Of Chat For Awhile

Music: Shake (The Latin Remix) by Charlene Leicra & Ray Cham

Episode 85: No Conflicts, Just Vibes

February 1, 2024

I know, I know, it’s been quite a while fam. But….we are so freaking back! We might be a little rusty, and not super clear about how any of this stuff usually works, but luckily we aren’t taking the stage alone. That’s right, it’s extremely fortuitous for us that everyone’s favorite girl group happen to be staging their grand comeback as well. You guessed it, The Cheetah Girls are here and we are going to SPAIN! Come along as we strut down the streets of Barcelona, meet the locals, and cause a riot with the most chaotic and frenetic concert ever performed. Oh, and rhyme a lot of Spanish words with “Cheetah”.

Lucas battles through illness and missed out on some crazy extras.

Emma sings most of the soundtrack and disrespects a mall.

Talking Points: We’re Back! A DCOMmenator’s Story, Travelling With The Cheetahs, Barcelona Slaps, Is This A Dream?, Are The Cheetahs All Smart, THE QUEEN RETURNS, Juanita’s Gotta Get That Ring, All Green Flags For Luc, The Personification of Fate, Not A Lot Of Fat On This Cheetah, Postcards From The Cheetahs, The Heart of Barcelona, What Is Going On In “Strut”?, Buenos Dias Las Amigas Cheetahs Senoritas, The Hispanic Bong Joon-ho, A Dancing Count, The Most Low-Res Footage Ever Put To Disney+, Kenny Flexes The Choreo, Skinnying The Cat, Marisol’s JeanS/Jorts, Cheetah-Induced Hypnosis, The Weird Ocean Party, Things Need To Happen Now, Galleria’s Exit Strategy, A Dramatic Run To The Train Station, The Cheetahs’ True Enemy: The Costume Designer, The Worst Marriage Proposal On Film, The Enigma of A Club Owner, Spanish Singing Sabotage, Gotta Respect Angel’s Dramatic Timing, So Many Questions About The Weird DJ/Musician Act, The Musical Performance Of The Century, The Disappointing Alternate Ending

Music: “A La Nanita Nana” by Belinda and The Cheetah Girls

DCOMedy Anniversary Update 2023

August 31, 2023

Hello everyone!

Just wanted to put out a quick update for you in case you missed the announcement in our last episode or are just waiting on our anniversary episode. So take a few minutes to listen in for that info...and also an exciting new announcement!

Thank you so much for listening to us all these years, and we look forward to being able to get back to our usual nonsense as soon as we believe it best to be doing so. You all rule!

Support Sag-AFTRA members on strike here: https://entertainmentcommunity.org/

Art by Christina Imbro (https://twitter.com/Chrimbro_art?s=20)

Episode 84: Navajo Herbs And Spices

August 11, 2023

Sorry about the schedule slippage, but we’ve got just the home remedy. It’s the perfect mixture of a season finale and a the return of a longtime guest! That’s right, Dyllan has returned to help us wrap up our season by chatting all about Buffalo Dreams. A film none of us really wanted to touch, but here we are. So why don’t you journey along with us to weigh-in on the vicious land feud between some white mountain bikers and the Native Americans whose land these “dirtheads” continually trespass on. Luckily, I think that if history any indication, this thing will work out with no issues on either side.

Lucas shares the younger sibling experience and pays for a character’s actions.

Emma can’t stand Scout’s muteness and shares her weight loss secrets.

Dyllan meets his old nemesis once again.

Talking Points: Zigging/Zagging, What Is This Even About?, The Titular Buffalo Dream, As Always: We Know Nothing, Navajo Sign Language, Executive Mandated Mountain Biking, The Horned Up Parents, You Never Leave The Army, Adrienne Bailon Jumpscare, Get Your Son A Nicer Bike!, Why Does Josh Need a Bike So Bad?, Insane Scene 1 of 3, Did They Really Try Every Song?, Buffalo Safety Tips, Child Labor, DCOM Politics, The Secret Buffalo Poacher, Dropping Plots Like Hot Pockets, As Racist As Disney Channel Can Get Away With, Kyle And The Dirt Bike Boys, The Most Sensual Bath A Child Has Ever Taken, This Child Is Waaay To Shirtless, The Most Obscure Joke Ever, A Pretty Dope Potluck, Do These Characters Even Know Each Other?, Moon’s Understatement Of The Century, Josh Keeps Ruining His Parents’ Vibe, Making Mountain Biking Boring, Teenage Environmental Terrorism, DCOM Drinking And Driving, Emergency Graffiti Supplies, Chucking These Kids In The Woods, Disney Channel Says: Give Children Knives, Schrodinger’s Chekov’s Cave, Being Mad At Surviving, Definitely Not Visions, The Nature Retreat Changes Nothing, Braceface Henchman’s Big Day, Navajo Steroids, Death Mountain, THE ATTEMPTED MURDER, Josh’s Coma, The Iconic Basketball Coaching Lesbian Doctor, Pawn Shop Mirages, Are Buffalo Or Humans The Villain Here?, Setting Adrienne Free

Music: “Lean On Me” by Bill Withers

Without the labor of the writers and actors currently on strike, the film covered here wouldn’t exist. #SAGAFTRAstrike #SAGAFTRAstrong

Support the Entertainment Community Fund for struggling strikers here: https://entertainmentcommunity.org/ or help them out with some refreshments on the picket lines by donating here: https://actionnetwork.org/fundraising/the-snacklist-support-striking-workers

Episode 83: In Todd We Trust

July 25, 2023

Ready yourselves listeners. For as long as anyone can remember, a war has been raging between the settlements of East and West Appleton. Now, the final chapter in this war is fast approaching. The battlefield? A bowling alley. It’s soldiers? A bunch of absolute lunatics who are obsessed with the 1950s. Normally I’d say it is cooler than it sounds on paper, but not so much with this one. We were really excited to dig into Alley Cat’s Strike! since so many seem to remember it quite fondly, but it ended up being a bit of a gutterball in our opinion….

Emma brings back her signature segment and relives her past.

Lucas feels like he’s on crazy pills and finds his ideal afterlife.

Talking Points: A Classic…Stinker?, The Deadly Apple Drinking Game, Our Strange Heroes, Team Todd All Day, East And West: The Ultimate Rivalry, FREEZE FRAMES: THE ULTIMATE VILLAIN, A Wild Kaley Cuoco Appears (With Her Original Nose), Unnecessary Friends, Thrift King Alex, The Worst Diner I’ve Ever Seen, Big Wisconsin Energy, The Most Ridiculous Competition, No Beef Necessary, Everybody Loves Sweet Lou, Terrible ADR, Debbie Desperado, Whipsaw McGraw, The Ultimate Prank, Why Does Everyone Doubt The Bowling Team?, The Real Alley Cat Strike, Crazy Bowling Animations, The Jazz Pattern, Upping The Ante, Behind The Scenes Trivia, An Absolutely Sick Non-Alcoholic Teen Party, Bowling Computer Simulations, Guppy Troup, Poor Bubba, The Ivan Drago School Of Bowling, No Way That School Is Getting Finished In Time, Terrible Fake Bowling, A Confusing Ploy, Sucked In By The Swing, What Exactly Is “Real” Bowling?, Singing For Your Supper, Cool Cats/Hot Dogs, Doing Local Radio Ads, Betrayal With No Fallout, The Shades Stay On, Disappointing T-shirts, Unnecessary Tarps, Anti-Climactic Conflict Resolution, “Tragic” Backstories, Bowling on Crutches, The Worst Entrance Ever, Pulling One’s Ball, The Absolutely Baffling Final Competition, Unleashing The Chaos Gremlin

Music: “Right Down The Middle” by Bill Elliott and The Bill Elliott Swing Orchestra

Episode 82: Creepy Nightmare Hole

July 3, 2023

Whoops! Sorry we were a little late on this one, hope it didn’t turn your world upside-down or anything. Then again, I kind of hope we did because this episode is about everything upside-down! That’s right we are going back to Modern Movie May (in June?) for Upside-Down Magic. So join us as we enter a magical world…I think? Like, it’s not super clear how magical the world actually is or how much people know about it. Also the “magic” isn’t so much like spells and is more like superpowers? I understand that doesn’t sound THAT enticing, but it’s mostly more than the sum of its parts.

Lucas nails his kitten impression and stans his man Skriff.

Emma can’t stand Reina and accuses a character of Naszism.

Talking Points: A True Classic, Where YA Tropes Go To Die, The Immediately Dead Mom, How Does Magic Work In This World?, Sapphic Cinematography, Magic Is Just Superpowers, SPARKLE FIRBALL, Everything Is Kittens, Coming Home For Thanksgiving, The Disappointing Bad Boy, Get In The Portal Babies, Knightslinger Is Serving, The Insanity Of The Magic School, “The Sage Way”, The Messenger Bag Debate, Calm Down Nory, The Very Out Of Place Fart Joke, How Does Shadow Magic Work?, Getting Your Dreams Crushed, Professor Argon And Her Popcorn Obsession, The Very Cool But Impractical Set, Confusing Uniforms, Why Would They Have Brooms?, Nory’s Iffy Drawings, This School Is Canonically Incompetent, Selling Your Soul…On Accident?, It’s The Hope That Kills You, Big Yoga Dad Energy, Playing With The Cards You Are Dealt, Immediately Revealing Your Evil Plan, A Very Marvel Ending, Children Are In Danger! Do Something!, A Lackluster Wrap-up

Music: “Upside Down” by The DNC (feat. Yoni)

Episode 81: Be Kind To The Blind

June 1, 2023

Content Warning: Due to topics within the film it is discussing, this episode contains topics relating to eating disorders and bullying people with disabilities. Listener discretion advised.

Hey there! Thought we forgot about you, huh? Don’t worry, we may have been delayed for quite a while, but we are finally ready to go to the mat with you all! Although by “being ready” I actually mean we are woefully unequipped to cover most of this movie’s subject matter. Luckily for you all, that has literally never stopped us before. So come on and listen in to us try and do the best we can…and still probably failing pretty hard!

Emma refuses to acknowledge “Fly” and finds her new political platform

Lucas definitely has a film degree and doesn’t get the weight classes.

Talking Points: Wrestling Does Not Cure Blindness, Our Family Shame, WE DON’T KNOW ANYTHING, New York City Baybee…Actually We’re Goin’ to Utah, We Start A New Podcast, Why Does No One Know About Blind People?, His Mom Should Have Gone In With Him, Wayne Brady Destroys A Child, A Man Trying His Best, Whose Wayne Brady Is It Anyway?, Angry Cane Acting, John Is No Bueno At Español, A Convenient Yet Harrowing Fire Drill, The Blind Jokes Aged Horribly (But Were Also Never Good), The Weird Airport/Tea Room Scene, The New Alt-Right Movement: Wrestling Is Woke Now (And Also Blind Kids Should Go Back To New York), We Are So Great At Recapping Wrestling, The General Prohibition Sign, Wrestle Dancing?, Mean Girls Style Parents, The All-Access Press Pass For High School Sports, Gross Wrestling Faces, The Least Disney Channel Kiss Ever, The Third Act Drop Off, The Ultimate Sign of Popularity: A Jeep Full of Dudes, The Dark Eating Disorder Plot, Sexual Silly Glasses, Balling The Coach’s Daughter, None Of Our Family Can Listen To This, A Main Character Commits A Crime, The Weird Final Shot

Music: “Going To The Mat” by Russell Kunkel and Katisse Buckingham

Episode 80: Hottie Harry Hook

April 1, 2023

Okay all you goody-goods and vile villains, it’s time to return to Auradon once more! That’s right, we are headed back to everyone’s teen-centric fairy tale realm for the middle chapter of one of Disney Channel’s hottest franchises in recent memory: Descendants 2! The villain kids are back, and we even get some new ones! So listen in as they find themselves facing new threats of great expectations, the big dance, and…pirates? I know that sounds out of place, but trust us it’s actually kinda cool.

Emma gets Vespa envy and wants more swordfights.

Lucas is ready to die for Mevie and refuses to try rhyming.

Talking Points: Everybody Loves Descendants, The Swinging Pendulum of Effort, Hi Dove!, The Incredible Yet Pointless Opening, We Miss You Cameron, Yet Another Wheelchair Kid, Weird Worldbuilding, The Real Villain Is Expectations, Chad’s Back, Why Are The 7 Dwarves Getting So Laid, More Doug (Boo!), Less Doug (Yay!), Ben Is Better, Fencing Parkour, Don’t Mess With Lonnie, Don’t Teach The Youth About The Friendzone, Mal Deals Carlos Some “Truth”, THE TALKING DOG NONSENSE, Poor Useless Gil, Ocean Racism, Smee Can Get It, Magic Mike Mushrooms, Mal Is Bad At Things, The Never-Mentioned Secret Apartment, Mal’s Boyfriend And Girlfriend Team-up, Little Sister Dizzy, The Worst Business Strategy Imaginable, The Gum Incident, A Classic Evil Arm Wrestle, The Plan Comes Together Immediately, The Dual Climaxes, Belle And Beast Are Tyrants, The Gayest Thing Disney Channel Has Ever Made, Why Make Them Rap Battle???, The Dog Payoff, Two Tickets To The Gun Show, Friend Group Girl Talk, The World’s Shortest Practice, Doug Does Nothing Here, Mal’s Dress Sucks, Random Lumiere Cameo, No Subtlety On Disney Channel, Things Would Have Gone Better If The Octopus Was Bigger, Ben Goes Beast Mode…Then Martha Mode, Mal’s Dress Rules Now, Everyone Stops The Teens From Kissing, Water Dancing!

Music: “Chillin Like A Villain” Performed by the Cast of Descendants 2

Episode 79: A Dog Fart To The Face

March 4, 2023

Well, I hope the wait for this one didn’t fill you all with anticipation or anything, because we’ve got quite a “unique” DCOM for you this month. Not only because of its whole vignette thing, but there’s just something in its very DNA that just feels…off? It’s kind of hard to put into words, so you will just need to listen along to try and understand exactly how it makes you feel. Although, I will give you a hint: the title of this episode is both a reference to the film itself and representative of what it is like to actually watch it.

Lucas respects canine actors and gets to bring back a catchphrase.

Emma faces her mortal enemy and just wants to get through this.

Talking Points: A Bad Word, A.I. Was Developed For DCOMs, Shaking It Up, Using the Title Word Wrong, Out Of Order Stories, Blatant Continuity Errors, The Anonymous High School, The CGIpad, Web-A-Zine?, Brought To You By Wonka, The Dog Is Sentient, The Confusing “Friend” Situation, Braces Representation, Everyone Is Rushing this Project, Picking A Fight With A Dog, A Shaggy Dog Situation, Making Life Is Ruff Look Good, Tony Gawk, Disney Channel Can’t Joke About Male Scarves, Totally Crackin!, Do You Know Those Girls?, Murray Got The Hops, Julianne’s Triple Grift, It All Falls Apart At Once, Shading Up, Eat Your Heart Out Joaquin Phoenix, WHAT IS UP WITH WALKER?, Zendaya Jackson: VP, Jahnn-Franque, GPS Sabotage, The Most Niche News From Lucy Delgoosy, Saving The Worst Vignette For Last, What Are These Rich People?, The Worst Twin Realization Scene Ever, The Rich Girl’s Life Is Obviously The Best, Lahnce Is Here Now I Guess, The Frenemy Pissing Contest, Children Booked A Taco Truck, The Weird Arranged Marriage Between Rich Children, They Don’t Know How To End This Movie…So Let’s Have A Dance Party!

Music: “Pose” by Stefanie Scott and Carlon Jeffery

Episode 78: Sigh Brendy Bru Bromecoming Warrior

February 7, 2023

My dear audience, it’s finally time (after a small delay) to face your destiny and hear all about the greatest warrior of a generation…the one and only: Wendy Wu! It’s a movie that many remember fondly, including one of the hosts, but there is a lot going on here. Frankly the whole thing has left us a little shook, but take a listen and find out for yourself everything this movie has to offer. Oh, and don’t ask about why this episode has such a lame title. All questions of that nature can be directed to Emma.

Lucas gets to flex his power ranger knowledge and feels a little embarrassed.

Emma gives some culinary insight and feels cheated out of the big dance.

Talking Points: Poor Titling, Deep Power Rangers Ties, Good Intentions That Have Aged Poorly, Vibeless Best Friends, Bored Brenda, The Upsettingly Blonde Boyfriend, Wendy’s Significant Chunk, The Incredibly Intense Elections for Homecoming, The Subtle Racism, Monk Superpowers, The Via Motorcycle, FAMINE! WAR! DISEASE! PLAGUES!, Crouching Tiger; Hidden DCOM, Quiet Kung Fu, Yan-Lo Ain’t Picky, The Strange Back To The Future Chase, Shen Should Be Arrested, Shaolin Soccer, This School Is a Mess, Mean Girls Three-Way, The Incredibly Weird Cousin Relationship, Big Yikes, What Does Yan-Lo Do All Day?, Beating Up Your Principal, Very Strict School Bylaws, A Lack of Motivation, A Nice Breeze Down There, Fashion Montage!, 3AM Culture Conversation, Monk to Hunk, Dating Your Cousin on the DL, New Zealand Money, A Classic Non-Alcoholic Teen Party, We’re Gonna Have Fun, Kung-Fu Breakdancing, An Illusion of the Heart, That Sick Kiss on the Cheek, You Gotta Know That’s Not a Chip Lisa, Beating Up Your Teachers in the Park, The Heroes Do Evil, Crane-Shaming, Where Was Yan-Lo On January 6th?, Rules of Engagement, You Can’t Fight Evil If You Ain’t Cute, Property Damage, When Did She Learn Energy Balls?, What Was Sacrificed Here?

Music: “Will It Go Round In Circles” by Orlando Brown

Episode 77: Canada's Most Decorated Actor

December 31, 2022

Y’all ready for this? We’ve got one more episode for you before we slip into the New Year and it’s all about two things: Judaism and Basketball. That’s right, Full Court Miracle brings together that classic dynamic duo once again. Come along with us, and our new guest Louie, to the City of Brotherly Love as we witness a miracle take place before our very eyes. Not so much all the oil lasting long and lighting stuff, but more so that one man is able to make 5 teenagers championship basketball players in approximately one month’s time. Oh, and they think he’s a ghost. It’s a whole thing.

Emma acknowledges your tweets and shows off her training.

Lucas creates a drinking game for once and feels very proud of himself.

Louie schools our hosts in basketball as well as “yes and-ing”

Talking Points: Breaking The Guest Dry Spell, Our Bad!, A Bit Of A Hanukkah Hodgepodge, What’s The Point Of Julie?, Temperature Concerns, A Surprising Lack Of Basketball, Unfortunate Fat Kid Cliches, Cool Rabbis, Is Schlots Good?, Bigger Stakes For The Basketball, Great (And Alive) Parents, The Glass Ceiling Of Negligence, A Small Space Jam Tangent, Meeting Strangers In Parks, Money Makes The World Go ‘Round, Ghost Hunting, Espresso Fundraising, Not Everyone Should Be A Doctor, Those Silly Womenfolk Will Never Understand Basketball, The Team Is Better Now?, Dean Redacted, The Tetanus-Filled Toolshed, FULL COURT PRESS, A Brief BMX Interlude, Living In A Van Down By The River, That One Extra Seven, A Failing Grad of C-, Philadelphia’s Worst Realtor, Gotta Have Some Mud In There, No Child Left Behind, The Dogs Start Barking, Basketball Studying, The Team Can Just Win Now, Dramatic Doctor’s Office Confrontation, Being Wrong For The Right Reasons, The Out Of Nowhere Dancing, Missed Yarmulke Opportunity, They’re Just Doing A Hanukkah, Antisemitic Energy, God Fixes An Internal Combustion Engine, Unnecessary Clock Stoppage, Lamont Returns To Do Nothing, The World’s Longest Timeout, The Visual Effects Ruin The Ending

Music: “Spin ‘Ya Like a Dreidel” Performed by SoL Survivor

Episode 76: No Take Twos

December 3, 2022

Ahoy! We may have been a little delayed in our travels, but your intrepid hosts are finally headed aboard the S.S. Tipton for their next cinematic adventure. That’s right, it’s time for everyone’s favorite troublesome twins to take center stage in The Suite Life Movie. Oh, what hijinks ensue with these two rocking the boa…huh? Oh, again?! Fine. Once again, very little of this film actually takes place in the show’s usual setting and instead finds the Martin brothers…wait, what? No, that can’t be what happens. Like, that’s pretty out there even for most of these movies based on disney channel shows. Just listen for yourselves audience, I don’t think anything I write will do it justice.

Lucas is let down by his heroes and remembers his love for London.

Emma gets more evidence for her theory and continues her dolphin propaganda.

Talking Points: Being Absolutely Broken, Acting On Autopilot, The Life Raft of Good Jokes, The Lone Gone Luggage Cart Days, Here For Debby Ryan, Zack’s Charlie Sheen-ness, The High Schooler Aged Sprouse Ship Has Sailed, The Problem With Woody, At Work Since Birth, Scholarship Confusion, The Stupid Car Motivation, Everyone Jumped Off This Ship, The Cardinal Sin of Wasting Moseby/London, Eternal Spotshine of the Sunless Mind, MORE DOLPHIN TELEPATHY???, The Urkelization of Suite Life, Woah Nellie, The Terrible CGI Submarine Battle, Side Character Purgatory Dock, I’m Worried About The Gemini Project Darling, Violating The Rules of Science, The Least Bechdel Approved DCOM?, Crab POV, The Stupidest Fight Ever Put to Screen, A Blatant Disney Channel Sex Joke, The Worst Fake Crying, The “Sea” Plot, This Movie Is Scooby-Doo Now, Too Old For Air Ducts, The Dolphins Apparently Know Everything, The Barely Elevated Yet Zombie-Proof Zipline, Force Fields Are Real?!, Identical Twin Height Differences, The Most Infuriating Flashbacks, Fruit-Based Villain Redemption, The Twins Are Alright, Our First Ad Ever

Episode 75: The Title Says It All

November 1, 2022

Sorry we couldn’t get this to you in time for Halloween, my internet connection fell into a bit of a vampire trance it would seem. Anyway, I hope you’ll still allow us to belatedly celebrate Disney Channel’s favorite time of year, when they can flex their monopoly on spooky movie vibes. Only problem is…they have too many! We needed help deciding what to watch and enlisted you all to help via twitter poll. So now, as voted by you, we are joining the Hansen family as they have a night on the town…for better or worse. See, everyone’s dealing with one simple fact: Mom’s Got A Date With A Vampire!

Emma can’t get over a line delivery and delivers some breaking news.

Lucas finally gets to use a funny voice and flexes his limited vampire knowledge.

Talking Points: The Killer Adult Cast, Kirkland Culkin, Monster Kid, The Mysterious Hot Peter, DCOM Dracula, THE SILVER DEBATE, Drugs: A Real Life Vampire’s Trance, Confusing Age Castings, A Terrible Offscreen Father, The Duffy Drug Effect, Secret Vampires, A Little Extra Budget, Selling Women To Internet Strangers, The Bailey School Kids vs. The Boxcar Children, Pancake Manipulation, Kids Hitting on Men in a Supermarket, Unplaceable Vampire Accents, Taylor “MMMBop” Hanson, Does Vampire Hunter = Magician?, Vampires Are Automatically Rich (But Still Not Real), The Spoon Test, Vampire Buddy-Cop Movie, Make-Out Point, Vampires Hate Rockabilly, Ricki and the Flash, Stick It In Your Craw, Boomer: The Worst Man Alive, Random Emotional Moments, We Do Not Negotiate With Vampires In America, There’s Always Time For A Racial Stereotype, The Terrible Phone Metaphor, What Time Is It?, Vampire Boundaries, What Happens In Budapest, No One Respects Vampire Powers, Vampires…Still Kinda Hot Tho

Music: “Maybe” Performed by The Royal Crowns and Alicia McCracken Morgan

Episode 74: Nonstop References to Horse Death

October 15, 2022

Giddyup y’all! We’ve got another horse-based film for you this month, as we take a look at Ready to Run. In many ways, it feels like a pretty standard story about a child coming of age and taking on the world of sports the same way their father did before he died. Except…sigh…there is a particular thing that happens in this movie that ruins the whole thing and…why am I trying to keep things vague? The horses freaking talk gang! No one will care if I spoil that, right? It’s kind of important to our discussion so…head’s up.

Emma loves Seabiscuit and is telling you to Don’t Worry Dohring.

Lucas wants more stakes/investment and just now gets the Jeremy Renner app.

Talking Points: Disney+ Acquisition, Subverting Expectations…But Badly, Sinbad Must Have Had A Terrible Agent, Horse Names, Gun Censorship, Researching the Patriarchal Jockey Community, The Cartoonishly Evil Villain, Everything Is Around the Racetrack, Toothpick Gambling, A Horse Loose At Carl’s Jr, Low Effort Talking Animals, Stud Farms, Pointless Moody’s Sweet Tricks, The Worst Financial Decision of All Time, Spooking A Horse Into Greatness, Obvious Flirting, The Rhythm of the Horse, The Terrible Soundtrack, Casually Dropping A Deeply Sad Story, How Does a Horse Wear Headphones?, The Viral Appeal of A Headphone-Wearing Horse, A Man Intimidating a Horse, Everyone’s Favorite Segment, The Worst Kept Secret, A Psychic Link With a Horse, The Worst Rescue Attempt Ever, A Pointless Amount of Money, A Solid Heart-to-Heart, Road Trip!, The French/British Announcer, Gamer Girl Headphones, The “Twist”: Horse Spectators, WHO IS CRUMPY, Inconsistent Horse Colors, The Actual Twist, Yelling At An Official, Undercutting The Entire Journey, DJ’ing for Horses, The Kinsey Scale vs. The Dohring Scale, Get Your Votes In For Halloween!

Episode 73: Goldenthroat, This Is Jazz Square

September 30, 2022

WHAT TIME IS - Ahem. Sorry, I should show some restraint. There’s enough of our ecstatic energy poured into every single second of this episode to power a city, I should keep things chill in the description. Ahem. Hello everyone. We are so excited to be starting this season off with a crowd favorite, the summertime sequel to the cultural phenomenon of HSM. Did it live up to the original? Does it stand on its own as- AHHH OF COURSE! THIS MOVIE IS SO GOOD!!! INJECT IT INTO MY VEINS!!!

Lucas feels more alive than ever before and is being given nothing.

Emma tries hard to make a Christ metaphor and stans Sharpay more than ever.

Talking Points: Controversial Opinions, How You Know You’ve Grown Up, A Sequel That Knows It’s A Sequel, Diegetic vs Non-Diegetic Dancing, Missing Miss Darbus, A Staple Summer Movie, Zac Efron’s Kinetic Acting, Memorable Bonus Features, Tolerable Gabriella, Evolving Sharpay and Ryan, We Should All Be More Like Zeke, The Ryan-Sharpay Weirdness, Kiss Baiting, Needs More Coach Bolton, The Fantastic Mr. Fulton, Soaring/Flying Budgets, Sharpay Is a Disney Villain Now, Creative Differences With Dyllan, THE GOLF SHOES, Fix The Hat, Machiavellian Manipulations, The Extended Edition, Troy’s Golf Lessons, 35-Year-Old College Athletes, The Toxic DCOMedy Community, The Ryan/Chad Chemistry, Ryan Evans: Lady Killer, Angry Troy, A Brief Tangent About HSM3, Sharpay’s Ultimate Hubris, Gabriella Confronts Sharpay (Badly), Troy’s Actually Doing Fine, Coach Bolton’s Steaming Meat, Bet On It (Nuff Said), The Gay Angel of Love, The Quail Tangent, The Most Fun Looking Pool Party of All Time, Miley Cyrus’s DCOM Debut

Music: “What Time Is It” and “All for One” performed by the cast of High School Musical 2

Episode 72: The Damp Bandits 2 - Lost in the City

August 31, 2022

All right audience, your parents have gone out for the evening and left you in our capable hands. Don’t worry, because we have a super-fun night planned for you! We’re gonna play games, make snacks, and we’ll read you a bedtime stor-huh? You’d rather we just talk your ears off all about the 2016 remake-ish of Adventures in Babysitting? Well okay, just so long as you get to bed on time!

Emma needs to stop being so suspicious and relives sneaking out at age four.

Lucas is impressed by this script and doesn’t know anything about scalping.

Talking Points: Is This a Remake?, Double the Sitters, A Mary Kate and Ashley Situation, Car Eyelashes, A Young Adult Protagonist, A Smoothie Cellphone Swap, HOT COP, Children’s Roller Derby, One-Note Children, The Mysterious City, The Oliver and Company Scale, Pawn Shop Tickets: A Classic Tradition, Babysitting Rules, A Lola Move, The Illegal Ferret Trade, Money Problems, Definitely Not How Tattoo Stores Work, Pointless Mean Girls, Balance Between the Babysitters, The Overly Long Factory Chase, The Least Badass Stunt Possible, Roller Derby’s Honor, Police Station Self-Realization, Jailer Swift, Party Mom, Adventures in Warehousing, Babysitter Rap Battle, The Lowest Bar of Deception Possible, Bobby Flay Becomes Gordon Ramsay, Cutting Kids, Creepy Uncles, The Ferret Gets Out, Zack Isn’t That Big a Deal, The Film’s True Hero: A Super Slow Valet, Speed-running Bribery, A Shirt-based Makeover, Zack’s Comically Large Truck, Chill Fire Alarm, Disney Channel After Dark

Music: “We’re the Babysitters” by Sabrina Carpenter and Sofia Carson

Episode 71: She's Not Like Other Girls!

August 1, 2022

All right, all right, all right everyone! There is one heck of a battle ready to unfold in front of you. Us two killer MCs are gonna tear down not each other, but everything that the film Let It Shine is throwing at them. There’s certainly a lot of things to diss considering it is trying to an adaptation of a classic play with teen drama, be a musical, have deep religious theming, and have some hip-hop thrown in there for good measure. One thing for sure though, we are definitely the most appropriate people to handle all of that.

Lucas knows everything about rap and can’t get over the creepiness factor.

Emma gets wrapped up in the music and takes us to church.

Talking Points: Quick Update, Musicals Don’t Miss, Joe Wright Copying Disney Channel, The Pastel Problem, This Cast Slaps, FEDORAS EVERYWHERE, The Devil’s Music, Keeping Kids Off the Street, Hunnies in the Club, The Rap Battles Rule, Filed Down Insults, Outdated Insults, Ebb and Flo, Disney Getting Risqué, Courtney Sells the Cringe, The Soulless Anti-Vaxxer Manager, Sucker MCs, Body Shapes vs. Shadows, Current Celebrity Sighting, That’s Not What Karaoke Is, Rain of Requirement, A Classic Dead Parent Scene, The Rap Grand Slam Audience Takes No Prisoners, Absolutely Attacking A Young Girl In Front of Everyone, Walking Right Into A Marital Trap, America’s Funniest Home Videos, On Punishment, Taking The Low Road, No One Reacts To All The Fame, Adaptation Discussions, Positive Putdowns, The Absurd Window Entrance, A Series of Quick Turns, Nicki/Gaga Dating Yourself, The Poor Attitude Towards Women, Improv Or Very Specific Lyrics, A Strange Energy In The Grand Slam, An Overpowering Comeback, Everyone Has To Go To Church, A Small Mistake To End On

Music: “Don’t Run Away” performed by Tyler James Williams

Episode 70: Guys, 9/11 JUST Happened

July 4, 2022

Ahoy everyone! Join us up on the main deck as we discuss Tiger Cruise, a fun little movie about kids getting into trouble on board a Navy aircraft carrier. Doesn’t that sound like a fun little movie for us to cover on the Fourth of July? Well guess what, that movie doesn’t exist. Instead, this movie is really all about children confronting the September 11th Terrorist Attacks. The whole experience was a lot, but I think we were able to put together something for you all that isn’t a total bummer to listen in on.

Emma celebrates her president and is not immune to propaganda.

Lucas regrets his word choices and feels bad about what he’s done.

Talking Points: TRIGGER WARNING, Patriotic Casting, Arbitrary Naming, When The Aircraft Carrier Be Rocking, So Much Stock Footage, Hayden Makes You Believe, Questioning the Defense Budget, A Distasteful Depiction, Shilling the US Navy, Good Old Connie, he Green Screen Using Pullman Sparingly, A USA Network/SVU Tangent, The Captain’s Duties, Foreshadowing as Subtle As Pearl Harbor, Random Caricature Skills, Inappropriate Relationships, Sailors Gotta Eat, A Solid Heart-to-Heart, Pullman’s Sport Mode, The Theme Park Legends Tangent, The Ceremonial Pre-Terrorist Attack Talent Show, A Lack of Goofs, The New York Strong Monologue, Trashing the Connie, The Propaganda Money-shot, Reborn A Brat

Episode 69: Divorce Him

June 30, 2022

Hey, you! Quit all that monkeying around and listen to our newest episode! Sorry, I couldn’t resist. Don’t expect too many amazing puns like that in this movie though. You see, The Jennie Project isn’t really about the kind of monkey-related hijinks you would expect from its premise. I know, it is very disappointing. I mean, there are plenty of messes made and silly situations our characters find themselves as a result of their animal companion. However, all of its other elements somehow manage to make all of them far less impactful than they should feel. So much so, that the movie kind of feels like it doesn’t even really exist. Not much else to say really, I’m afraid. Oh, there’s also some stuff about teaching an ape sign language? Honestly that part isn’t as important as interesting as it sounds, but I feel like it is worth a mention.

Lucas has a pronunciation problem and makes very specific references.

Emma flexes her Law & Order knowledge and makes bold claims.

Talking Points: This Movie Does Not Really Exist, Mysterious Sciences, A Rough Understanding/Depiction of Africa, Monkey Business, Everybody Hates Hugo, Bypassing Customs, A Graphic DCOM Death, Intellectual Superiority, Chimps In Clothes, Monkey VO, A Disappointing Kitchen Trashing, The Missing Religious Element, The Most Depressing Lab Ever Seen, The Staples Tangent, Monkey Sports, The Dangers of Domestic Chimpanzees, The World’s Meanest Primatologist, THE FIGHT, Lea’s Spiritual Journey, The Dramatic Treehouse Monologue, Mr. Crap, The Great Letter Caper, The Great Downhill Debate, The Apemergency Room, A Literal Scopes Monkey Trial, The Judge Who Allows Anything, Monkey Heist, Jennie Won’t Survive in the Wild