Jake is having relationship issues and that means that everyone has to hear about it, but especially Jane. Jane crosses a line that will be hard to walk back. Caliborn hits on Jane in the most backward manner and explains his artistic method. Roxy is kidnapped by GCAT and locked up in jail. DD visits a very important prisoner and gets fashion advice. Meanwhile in the past Roxy reads a story about characters stuck in a story who are desperately trying to change their destiny. A little firefly comes in the window and speaks in code and Ashley reveals some secrets to Molly.

Vriska and Meenah finally meet and end up throwing the party of their afterlife. It's a mess and also kind of the best. The Alpha go through their Sburb game for much longer then the beta kids ever did but much quicker from our perspective. Caliborn investigates his session and finds a computer, a collection of locks, a clown and the asshole who seems to be pulling all the strings. 

Vriska shows John and Tavros how tough it is to hunt for treasure in the Furthest Ring and how the giant reality destroying monster following you can be your biggest help. Meenah talks to the last of her pals and we learn about a secret relationship that can only cause problems. Dave works on his raps, Kanaya turns on the dark and Rose makes a move.

Meenah meets up with her friends finally, and I can't lie to you they mostly all suck. Mituna and Kankri especially. Porrim is cool though, she's got all those tattoos and stuff. We make it through memories, meet a cult and just generally kinda fuck around. John and Jade watch Con Air and John has a upsetting revelation, Davesprite takes a joke to far and Bec Noir needs a rest but isn't getting one anytime soon.

Calliope walks around her room as we take in as much as we can for what may be the final time.  Her brother tells us about the parts of Homestuck he loves the most: when people die (and sometimes kiss). Dirk becomes the coolest character in the world before doing something very creepy. Or is it AR doing it? Sorry, Lil Hal.  As the kids enter their four player session a one player session is set into motion. Meanwhile Meenah walks around, talking about the identity of Lord English, chatting about gillfronds and talking to Dave, who is the best.

Jake is dragged to a meeting that spans galaxies and time as the post-scratch and pre-scratch trolls meet. Dirk has more weird stuff going on with himself. We learn about the miles and how no one can escape them, even across sessions. UU and uu have a chess game where uu reveals another twist. Jane and Jake end up on Derse through various means and it all seems like a bad scene. Roxy has what may be a final conversation with uu and we finally learn her name.

Jack Noir is locked up in a Prospit jail cell and he's not going to rest until he's escaped, no matter how many people he's got to stab. Jake talks to Aranea and she reveals powers that put everyone on edge. DD plays everything cool and gets the mysterious "void ring." Mean uu asks Dirk to draw him some porn and Dirk is all for it, too bad there's just the shittiest twist ending.

Molly and Ashley are together for one last "live" ep and it comprises of them wandering through Jade's land, talking to her friends and maybe uncovering some secrets about UU & uu. Mostly it involves a lot of tedious puzzle bullshit. Then Jake knocks himself out and we are treated to a history lesson from the future.

Roxy finds a group of exiles in her lab and Dirk gets jeered. Jane enters the game finally but doesn't prototype anything. Isn't that supposed to be the worst thing? Also that's not a metor, that's a space ship piloted by Her Imperial Condescension. Drik and Roxy come out of their rooms to find a destroyed world in the future. Meanwhile Andrew Hussies nurses Spades Slick and gets a nasty houses guest. Karkat argues with himself again, Rose tells Dave what's going on and Dave and Karkat makes some art. John has a birthday and Terezi meets a new face. 

We learn all about this Dirk Strider guy. Well it's kind of impossible to learn ALL about him. He loves Lil Cal, rap battles and My Little Pony. Dirk however has some problems, namely the fact that he doesn't know how to confess his love for Jake and he's constantly harassed by an AI based on himself who reveals deep insecurities he has about himself. But fuck that Dirk puts the head of HB on a pike! He's so cool. We also meet a mysterious new troll in a pretty blue dress. Meanwhile Jane tries to confess to Jake and blows it as bad as she could and Jake says he's ready to explore the adventure of human sexuality.  Roxy holds a funeral for her fallen cat, but something else is in there with her.

Ashley and Molly find Jane recovering from an assassination attempt only to be plunged into another assassination attempt! She finally agrees to trust the mysterious members of their party and reads some equine literature. We finally learn Roxy and Dirk’s names as their rooms are revealed to us. Not revealed is how these kids are living as they claim their parents are dead. Ashley and Molly get comfortable in the same room, have some booze and hit on some robots. It’s fiiiiiiine.