Calliope walks around her room as we take in as much as we can for what may be the final time.  Her brother tells us about the parts of Homestuck he loves the most: when people die (and sometimes kiss). Dirk becomes the coolest character in the world before doing something very creepy. Or is it AR doing it? Sorry, Lil Hal.  As the kids enter their four player session a one player session is set into motion. Meanwhile Meenah walks around, talking about the identity of Lord English, chatting about gillfronds and talking to Dave, who is the best.

Jake is dragged to a meeting that spans galaxies and time as the post-scratch and pre-scratch trolls meet. Dirk has more weird stuff going on with himself. We learn about the miles and how no one can escape them, even across sessions. UU and uu have a chess game where uu reveals another twist. Jane and Jake end up on Derse through various means and it all seems like a bad scene. Roxy has what may be a final conversation with uu and we finally learn her name.

Jack Noir is locked up in a Prospit jail cell and he's not going to rest until he's escaped, no matter how many people he's got to stab. Jake talks to Aranea and she reveals powers that put everyone on edge. DD plays everything cool and gets the mysterious "void ring." Mean uu asks Dirk to draw him some porn and Dirk is all for it, too bad there's just the shittiest twist ending.

Molly and Ashley are together for one last "live" ep and it comprises of them wandering through Jade's land, talking to her friends and maybe uncovering some secrets about UU & uu. Mostly it involves a lot of tedious puzzle bullshit. Then Jake knocks himself out and we are treated to a history lesson from the future.

Roxy finds a group of exiles in her lab and Dirk gets jeered. Jane enters the game finally but doesn't prototype anything. Isn't that supposed to be the worst thing? Also that's not a metor, that's a space ship piloted by Her Imperial Condescension. Drik and Roxy come out of their rooms to find a destroyed world in the future. Meanwhile Andrew Hussies nurses Spades Slick and gets a nasty houses guest. Karkat argues with himself again, Rose tells Dave what's going on and Dave and Karkat makes some art. John has a birthday and Terezi meets a new face. 

We learn all about this Dirk Strider guy. Well it's kind of impossible to learn ALL about him. He loves Lil Cal, rap battles and My Little Pony. Dirk however has some problems, namely the fact that he doesn't know how to confess his love for Jake and he's constantly harassed by an AI based on himself who reveals deep insecurities he has about himself. But fuck that Dirk puts the head of HB on a pike! He's so cool. We also meet a mysterious new troll in a pretty blue dress. Meanwhile Jane tries to confess to Jake and blows it as bad as she could and Jake says he's ready to explore the adventure of human sexuality.  Roxy holds a funeral for her fallen cat, but something else is in there with her.

Ashley and Molly find Jane recovering from an assassination attempt only to be plunged into another assassination attempt! She finally agrees to trust the mysterious members of their party and reads some equine literature. We finally learn Roxy and Dirk’s names as their rooms are revealed to us. Not revealed is how these kids are living as they claim their parents are dead. Ashley and Molly get comfortable in the same room, have some booze and hit on some robots. It’s fiiiiiiine.

Jake shows us around his island as we get a look at some frightening fauna. Roxy calls about wondering about his wriggling day and talks about being pale with him and Jane. Wait, how does she know what that is? Dirk finally talks and he and Jane discuss the dangerously annoying Lil' Seb. A joke from act one pays off and Jane finally gets the mail. Meanwhile John finds out it's going to take them three years to get to the new session and sends a lewd letter to Karkat. Meanwhile the meteor crew turn their back on the bodies and that goes about as well as it always does. Also sloppy makeouts.

Ashley and Molly return to Earth, but not everything is as it seems. Molly is back to knowing nothing about Homestuck. Why are people trying to kill Jane Crocker, heir to the Betty Crocker empire? Why does Jake English have stuff that looks a lot like Lord English? Who is this strange troll talking to Jane? Why does Jake have lusus bed sheets? Who let Roxy have booze? Why are all these kids so THIRSTY????

Molly and Ashley discover the secret locked behind a door in Doc Scratch's apartment. He tells them and his secret protegee about the history of trolls, specifically before they scratched their game. Andrew Hussie jumps into the comic and finally becomes a real character.  The scratch finally happens, people die, people ascend, suckers are revealed and the promise of a new universe awaits.

Ashley and Molly have to pick up the panels after Doc Scratch beats up a ruffian. This leaves with an alarming amount of free will. They have a variety of stories to choose from! Are they going to read about Dave and Rose and who is piloting the now very real suicide mission? Or maybe they are going to hear the sad story of Vriska meeting a John who doesn't seemt to remember her? Perhaps they'll find out what the returning Davesprite knows about the true nature of denizens? Will they find what is behind the locked door in Doc Scratch's apartment and who "she" is? Will they be reunited with Jade and Karkat as they talk about frogs and receive an impossible task? Or maybe they'll get in a rap off with Gamzee and Tavros for some reason. Of course, the answer is "All of them." That's the only answer when you have free will.

Well hello there. The girls known as Molly and Ashley have run into a bit of a snag. Their disc has been scratched and it's going to take until the end of Act 5 to fix it. How dreadful. Well it would be if a gracious host didn't come to their rescue and show them hospitality. Truly they are so lucky. I show them some people who are not so lucky as one of the favorites of the podcast is killed off and another is in grave mortal danger now. The girls do seem to like my apartment and go on and on how Homestuck plays with the canvas of webpages. As fires are lit and Felt are killed they are only beginning to know the full extent of my power and influence. Ha Ha. He He. Ho Ho.

Rose has gone Grimdark and this means that she now has one track mind to kill Bec Noir. She meets up with John who finally learns the fate of his dad. Dave grieves(?) for his bro and then tries to get his sword out of him. Terezi interrogates Dave for his feelings as he starts to open up. Terezi meanwhile is getting ready to fight Vriska but ends up getting involved in trying to find Homestuck Disc 2. Soon there will be a Scratch

Molly and Ashley find out why exactly you never turn your back on the body as another troll body gets added to the pile. Doomed Dave has a conversation with a very much alive Aradia. She explains how Homestuck's after life works and then tells a group of friends just who that mysterious Doc Scratch is. Doc Scratch has a conversation with one of his many protegees and Rose finally goes dark.

Things are going about as badly as they could for our troll friends. Karkat is on the run from multiple murderers. Kanaya, Feferi and Tavros are all dead. Terezi vendetta against Vriska is making her miss real danger. Gamzee has gone on a murderous rampage. Eridan is somewhere in the meteor and one of them seems to have developed a taste for blood. It's not all doom and gloom. John meets WV and they have a great time in a flying car. John and Jade talk about sinking ships and Vriska opens up about her thoughts on killing.

Andrew Hussie reveals himself as not Lord English and takes us on another recap that Ashley doesn't read. Jade learns some stuff about herself by talking to herself and a Karkat that seems much nicer. WV has a nightmare that shows his darkest fears. Aradia finally explodes after saying goodbye to Sollux, but that doesn't mean she's dead. Vriska and Tavros finally have their showdown and they have a bad time. Kanaya talks to Jade about the mysterious breeding Space players must do and how their universe works. Eridan gets into an argument over meeting up with Bec Noir and there are deadly consequences as we start to enter a dark period of Homestuck.

Do you feel the holiday spirit in the air? Do you hear the shitty JPEG aritfacted bells? It's Gristmas! Between opening and making gifts we see how Vriska went god tier in maybe the most grisly way. We see Jade make a ton of neat stuff. Dave confronts his own mortality and Terezi makes statements about luck. Then Jade does something and the most important character in Homestuck is revealed.

Jade is FINALLY in the game and now has to deal with all the consequences of what just happened, including talking to Bec. Dave assures her that everything is going to be fine and pirates a copy of a game. Rose finally reveals the plan she's been cooking up and it may have horrible consequences. John recovers from the windy thing and walks around town while Vriska talks to him about some special type of bed.

Molly and Ashley are very happy to return to Jade but there's no earthly way of knowing what she's dreaming about. She gets into a conversation with two different Karkats. Rose is even more spooky and has a crystal ball. Dave is hanging around Derse reading books. John finally learns how exactly they fuck everything up and we realize it's consequences as we have our first death.

Molly and Ashley finally live their dreams and be Karkat (along with Vriska and Terezi.) They talk to their companions, give orders about not sleepingand RP'ing. As they go deeper into the meteor they uncover secrets about the past and the not too distant future. Meanwhile in the kids session John is connecting with Jade, Dave is from the future, Rose is still creepy and Jade is MIA.