Episode 68: No Fun, No Games, Only The Mall

Bad Hair Day (2015)

Oooh boy everyone, strap yourselves in for this month. Your intrepid hosts really didn’t know what they were getting themselves into by watching Bad Hair Day. It’s by no means terrible, but could possibly be the most mentally challenging film that we have yet to analyze. So much is going on that we have repeatedly summon our strength to continue, and we do it all for YOU. So the least you could do in return is join us as we go down the long and winding road this movie takes you on.

Emma loves corndogs and needed a little help finishing the movie.

Lucas doesn’t want to play games and implodes his own brain.

Talking Points: The Terrible Horrible No-Good Very Bad Title, Strangers in a Mall, Not Everything Mixes, Unfortunately You Should Maybe Watch This One, A Bold Yet Awful Beginning, The Age/Driving Confusion, Monica’s College Conundrum, Chemistry With A Cop, Enter the Matrix, It’s Cuz You Be On That Phone!, Samurai Work, Plankton’s Biopic, The Insane Lack of Setup, The Chli’s Salon, Returning a Destroyed Dress, Corndog Therapy, Palfinder, French Fry Flirting, Don’t Bash Self-Care, A Trip to the Precinct, Confusing Mom Casting, A Tragic Three-Month-Old Backstory, The Stupidest Diamond Heist, Knight & Day: The Quintessential Action Movie, The Stupidest Diamond Exchange, Ketchup For Dinner, The Totally Unnecessary Car Chase, The Third Act Breakup, A Dog Named Poopy, The Awful Editing, Stealth Heart-to-Hearts, Dramatic Exits: The Until Weapon, What Are You Gonna Do; Tase Me?, Monica Ruins Prom For Everyone Else, THE BOB

Editor’s Note: I think someone (Emma) kept kicking the table the mic was set on, so apologies for the random sound bursts that happen from time to time.

Music: “Rooftops” by Skylar Stecker

Episode 67: Dog Mischief

Life Is Ruff (2005)

A big woofy welcome to you all! I hope you all are ready for things to get a little hairy, as we dive into Life is Ruff. A movie all about…okay well honestly its somewhat deceiving to call it a movie. A story of a boy and his do….actually there is barely a story there at all if you think about it. Hm. Well I hope you can understand why we have a bit of a shorter episode on our hands folks, there really isn’t a lot going on to sink our teeth into. Honestly, we probably managed to spend more time thinking about this movie than anyone working on it did. Well other than the dog, he is clearly a master of his art.

Emma notices only the least important details and gets her mind blown by dog puns.

Lucas cracks the whip and doesn’t notice the most important details.

Talking Points: This Is Nothing, Thanks For Playing!, A Truly Massive Animal, An Existential Opening, The Dog Saves the Cat, Disney Channel’s Scandal, Babyface Musso, An Age Discrepancy Issue, Expecting the Impossible, The Confusingly Delusional Villains, The Skateboarding Sucks, The Asthma Situation, No One Making This Movie Knew About Dog Shows, The Insane Long Montages, A Dog Climbs Up a House, The Terrible Dubbed Lines, THE SOUNDTRACK (LISTEN TO THE END), How Did That Work?, Meatball Play, A Woman Who Reads Comics???, A Dog’s Trauma Flashback, Canine Red Carpet, Rondell Rules, Dog Show Speedrun, Dog Goons, The Tragic Asthma Backstory, Show Don’t Suggest, A Child Runs The Dog Shelter, The Unemotional Dog Breakup, A Mystery Solved In Transit, Emily’s Complete Character Turn, Who Setup That Fire???, A Skateboarding Exhibition/Dog Competition, Preston Tries to Commit a Murder, The Worst Prop Ever

Music: “It’s a Dog” performed by Kyle Massey

Episode 66: Paraplegic Potshots

Miracle in Lane 2 (2001)

Get ready for a wild ride everyone, because there’s a lot going on with Miracle in Lane 2. It’s a story of a young boy dealing with a serious illness, and how it affects both his life and the lives of those around him. Sometimes he manages to deeply inspire people he meets, and then other times people will say possibly the most awful things you’ve ever heard to a disabled child. Will the family be divided, or will they be brought together by the experience? Oh, and then also he decides to take up Soap Box Derby racing. Though I assure you that isn’t as important to the story as you would think. So come along and join us as we try to unravel this tapestry full of subject matter that was way too complex for Disney Channel (and us too to be fair) to try and tackle.

Lucas just feels bad about everything and remembered things wrong.

Emma incepts Ayn Rand into the show and gives a lesson dramatic reading.

Talking Points: Ya Know: For Kids!, Is Soapbox Racing Even Real, A Proto Malcom, We Are Totally Unqualified For This, The Kid In the Wheelchair Gets to Complain, Mama Bear, Night Painting, Green Light Go, God Drives Nascar, Funeral for a Wheelchair, The Yoder Sports Dynasty, Salad Dressing Memories, The Family Court, Little League Insurance Scares, On the Trophy Hunt, Dr. Kwan Rules, Never Look Through Your Parent’s Drawers, Straight to the Shed, The First Projector, Special Strawberries, Vic’s Dark Backstory, Cracking the Handbrake, An Insane Heart-to-Heart, Storming Off in a Wheelchair, A Poorly Aged Handling of Mental Health, The Disney+ Music Conspiracy, TROPHY-TROPHY, Biting the Bucket, Inappropriate Car Conversations With a Child, Big Soapbox Money, Last Minute Villains, Media Literacy Saves the Day, The Virtues of Tom, Wheelchair Angels

Music: “Blessed” by Christina Aguilera

Episode 65: Missing Magic

Rip Girls (2000)

Aloha! Do you know what time it is? Island time! That’s right, this month, we’re heading to the beautiful shores of Hawaii to talk all about Rip Girls. A movie filled with surfing, self-discovery, and…real estate? Huh, that didn’t end up sounding as enticing as I thought. Plus, there really isn’t as much surfing as you’d think with that title. Although the title is really misleading actually. Also, they didn’t even shoot it in Hawaii, and the real estate plot makes no sense when applied to a thirteen-year-old. So, uh, yeah. I guess just be prepared for a lot of teenaged self-discovery! Woot-woot!

Emma is here for Camilla Belle and gets some comeuppance.

Lucas just doesn’t get it and stands his ground about real estate.

Claire makes clear her DCOM devotion.

Talking Points: Plot vs. Emotion, A Landowning Child, Surf Lingo, A JoBros Sidebar, Camera Concerns, Computer-Made Hawaii, Driving Trucks Through Conversation, We Would All Take the Money, A Reverse Tsunami, How to Be a Better Liar, Disney Channel Safety Regulations, A Distinct Lack of Rip Girls, Dry Dock!, An (Intentional?) Lack of Laughter, IS HE AS TOGETHER AS HE SEEMS?, Ruining Your Cast, Taking Potions from Strangers, It’s Good to Inquire About Your Dead Mom, Squatter’s Rights, Call Your Parents!, Fighting Ghosts, Stealing a Dude’s Hat, The Weird Second House, A Traditional Whale Ritual Party, Ripped Off By CGI, Hawaii Itself Is the Killer, This Should Not Be Her Call, Familial Deepfakes, Ruining Surfboards Without Asking, Gia’s Missing Father, Sparkling Cider, Gia Should be Dead, The Lack of Surfing Continues, A Child Forces a Move to Hawaii, The Camilla Belle Deep Dive Interlude

Music: “Hawaiian Rollercoaster Ride” by Mark Keali'I Ho'Omalu & Kamehameha Schools Children's Chorus

Episode 64: A Competent Doof

Phineas and Ferb: Across the 2nd Dimension (2011)

Wow, it’s been a minute huh? Don’t worry, no involuntary hiatuses caused by scheduling issues and technical problems can keep us down! Still, I don’t know how you all have managed to go so long without hearing from us. Your lives must have been so different…almost like you were living in another dimension??? Well have no fear! We’ve built just the thing to bring back to your original dimension (and also kind of back in time because this episode was recorded months ago but don’t worry about that), an episode all about Phineas and Ferb: Across the Second Dimension! Come along as we look at yet another DCOM based on a Disney Channel TV show, and look at how they just never really seem to be able to do these totally right.

Lucas respects the craftmanship on display and loves all the callbacks.

Emma tries to get her brother fired and can’t engage fully with animation.

Talking Points: Meta Updates, Poor Titles, Perry Noises, Phineas and Ferb Drop Banger After Banger, A Deconstruction of Phineas and Ferb’s Humor, Candace Is The Best, The Exposition Lair, World’s Collide, The Mysterious Force, Phineas Has Nothing to Work With, Fedora Face Blindness, THE TRI-STATE AREA, Double Doof: Pros and Cons, Niche Georgia O’Keefe References, Resisting the Resistance, Disappointing Doppelgangers, A Platypus Rescue Mission, Commercial Breaks, Major Hologram, Dooooom, Weird It Happened Twice, Getting Lost Among All the Robots, Emotional Platypus Eye Contact, The Return of Love Händel, On Your Left, A Grown Man Fistfights A Child, Getting Locked Out of Your Evil Apartment, Crimes Against Humanity, The Maddening Mindwipe, Can This Be Done Correctly?, The One Thing We All Love: Slash from Guns N’ Roses

Music: “Everything’s Better With Perry” performed by Robbie Wyckoff

Bonus Episode 7: But Hey, That's High School

Sky High (2005)

Well hello there strangers! Sorry that we’ve been so radio silent for awhile, but we were busy focusing on our higher education. In many ways, it was the highest education one could receive...and now we are ready to share everything we have learned with you at the one and only SKY HIGH! By which of course I mean we just spend most of this episode yelling about how much this movie slaps and how we know it by heart at this point. So if that’s your thing, then welcome aboard. If not, the school floats and you can feel free to hop off this ride at any time. Unless you can’t fly, in which case I hope you have the number of a really good bus driver.

Emma wants her desires fulfilled and has several slips of the tongue.

Lucas demands a TV spin-off and has no eye for romance.

Talking Points: Spirits are Sky High, Development Discussions, How Did They Get This Cast?, The Slappin Soundtrack, Character Color Schemes, Kurt Russell Killing It, All About Layla, RON WILSON: BUS DRIVER, Muli-kate, The Obvious and Less Obvious Villains, A Classic Hero Appears, Boom Campbell, Will Stronghair, Our King Warren Peace, Save The World With Coke, Women Are Always Right, Empathy: The True Superpower, Teens Love Roofs, Alex Mack Explains It All, Mr. Sadboy, The Film’s Superspeed Pacing, Ill-Will Towards Will, Mayo Overload, Moody Boys, Evil Twins, Rays vs. Beams, Getting Stood Up, Swirlies, Saving Citizens, Every Bit Is a Good Bit, Flight Foreshadowing, Quiet Female Rage, Superhero Teen Parties, Super Santa, The Big Dance, Bringing Up Bébé, Ethan the Underdog, Playing The Long Game, Guinea Puppets, Tom Kenny Is Here I Guess?

Music: “Everybody Wants to Rule the World” performed by Christian Burns and “Melt With You” performed by Bowling For Soup

Episode 63: The Soul Patrol?

The Scream Team (2002)

Hey there all you happy haunts, y’all ready to get spooky??? It’s Halloween time again, and you already know Disney Channel is all about celebrating it right. This month however, we are taking a look at one of their more underrated offerings as we join the ranks of The Scream Team (even if that’s not what they are called; don’t ask). So join us as we have a rather unique group of DCOMmentators, who are all ready to talk about these ghostly situations…and even experience one themselves!

Lucas loses control very quickly and his humor gets puninentional.

Dyllan cultivates his fanbase and makes some terrible jokes.

Sophie figures out every miniscule lesson this movie seeks to impart.

Talking Points: Emma’s Halloween Vacation, DCOM Groupies, The Really Weird Humor, Sarcastic Oversaturation, A Macabre DCOM, Kat Dennings’ Puberty Situation, Pumpkin Carving Machines, An Incredibad Theme Song, Some Amazing Castings, Father/Son Turmoil, A Dead Mom: For Simplicity, Canadassachusetts, Straight-Up Ghostbusting, DCOMurder Mystery, Fake News, ZACHARIAH KULL:FIRE GHOST, Warner Is Just The Creepiest Man Alive, Ghost Rules, The Mario Tangent, Running Through a Forest, The Afterlife Bureaucracy, The Random Robo-Rooster, The Life Force Fallacy, Everything’s Legal In New Jersey, Energy Schemes, Special Effects Acting, The Ghosts Do Nothing, The Walnut Argument, A Disney Channel B&E, New Orifice Powers, Costume Disappointment, A Massive Bonfire, The Conflict Is Solved By a Conversation, Anti-Climatic Closure

Music: “The Scream Team” by Cash Hollywood

Episode 62: The Damp Bandits

The Other Me (2000)

I’m not going to lie to you audience, be prepared to get deep in this month’s episode. You’d think a cute little story like The Other Me would be relatively shallow, but the movie just raises so many moral and philosophical questions we couldn’t help ourselv….haha got ya. I assure you very little gets examined here, other than the truly insane twists and turns this movie decides to go on instead of just sticking to its campy premise and tone. So why don’t you come along with us as we go follow it down each and every one of them! From Depicting nudity on Disney Channel, lunchroom dance riots, and whatever the hell is going on at the nursing home; each one promises to bring double (Get it? Because clones) the intrigue and excitement of its predecessor.

Lucas acts like his sister and wants to keep things light.

Emma dives way too deep and gets stuck down Wikipedia holes.

Talking Points: A Disney+ Snubbing, The New Millennium, A Lack of Femininity, The Junior Confusion, Yo-Yo Kid, Allison Pill Rules, No Science = Good, What Is Up With Heather, Camp Spartacus, Dodging the Draft, Ocean Pups and Otter Pops, Hypercloning, So Many Questions About the Cloning Process, The Jig Is Immediately Up, All Genders Agree: Burping Contests Are Gross, GRANDPA MORDECAI, The Universal Frisbee, Twoie’s First Day of School, The Electrifying Dance Riot, Scottie DeSota: Unlikely Hero, The Ice Cream Truck Diversion, Grandpa Mordecai Awakens, Will Goes Back to School, The Ticking Clock of Death, Getting Out On the Dance Floor, The Disney Junior Prom, Does He Know He Is Dying?, Science Juice, Chuckie Does All the Work, The Yo-Yo Argument, The Worst Place to Kidnap a Child, The Kiss No One Cares About, A Family That Lies Together Stays Together, You’re Our Son Now!

Music: “Weird Science” by Oingo Boingo

Episode 61: My Close Personal Friend Protozoa

Zenon: The Zequel (2001)

Wow. Five whole years of our nonsense, can you believe it? Honestly it’s been so long that if feels like even more. It kind of feels more like we’re in the future…again! That’s right, we are heading back to the far-off future of the 21st Century to catch up with our favorite space station superheroine Zenon in her very own Zequel. Come and celebrate with us as we work to focus on the good parts of movie that could use a lot more of them. Honestly, you guys are lucky we didn’t decide to just start watching another movie in the middle of this episode. Luckily, our one and only king Protozoa is here in full force to make us forget our troubles every single time he shows up on screen.

Emma doesn’t understand orbit and falls down an accent hole.

Lucas feels the zum in his heart and questions all of his sister’s references.

Talking Points: Zenon Makes Everything Better, The Margie Problem, Power Rangers/Star Wars Plagiarism, All The Recastings, New Slang/New Fits, Goodbye Greg, More Like NO-rion, The Military Is Here Now, Captain Zeo-non, Make Pancaked Happen, Reused Sets, Montage Mistakes, Everyone Hates Zenon Now, DON’T ASK HOW; IT JUST DID, The Most Nonsensical Plan, Why Is Margie There???, All The CGI Is Bad, Thank God Judy Is Still Here, A Truly Insane Investigation, The Meta Narrative of The Zilogy, Everything Happens Via Zap-pad, The Jungle Slog, Protozoa Steals The Show, Button Mashing Saves The Day, Space Expert Surprises, The Stupidest Way to Blow This Plan, The Margie Redemption, The New Zealand Space Cops, The Juditive (The Fugitive But Starring Aunt Judy), The Aliens Are In Danger Now, The Zessiah, The ATV Flying V, Astrid Kar Is Important Now I Guess, All The Problems At Once, The Stepsister From Planet Weird and Zenon Crossover We’ve All Been Asking For, Put Protozoa Everywhere, The Wedding of the Century

Music: “The Galaxy Is Ours” by Protozoa

Minisode: The Fourth Annual DCOM Choice Awards

Hmmm…do you feel that? It’s that weird vibe that’s been around for awhile. What could it be? Oh, of course. It must be award season once again! Which can only mean it’s time for the DCOM Choice Awards! A most incredible celebration, where we acknowledge everything the past year of DCOMs has had to offer. The truly thrilling highs…and the far more fun to talk about lows. So walk down the imaginary red carpet to be a part of a night sure to be full of happiness, disappointment, and definitely a whole lot of outrage from the voters because of how wrong we are about movies meant for children.

Emma faces some tough choices. Lucas gets his motives called into question.

Thank you so much to everyone who voted on twitter for the awards, and if you missed the polls be sure to follow us (@dcomedypodcast) so you can have your voice heard next year!

Editor’s Note: Yes we goofed up and got our Queen Dorothea’s last name mixed up with her daughter’s first name. That one’s on us. However, none of you pointed it out when it was posted in the polls so who is really to blame here???

Episode 60: The Wild World of 1980s California

Double Teamed (2002)

Sorry about the delay of game! Luckily, the DCOMedy Crew, along with new guest Spencer, are finally ready to take it to the hoop and talk about what might just be the greatest achievement in basketball cinema ever: Double Teamed. Join us as we journey to the strange and fantastical alternate reality of 1985 California, where rules don’t matter and girl’s basketball is the height of athletic entertainment. There we can all bear witness to the meteoric rise of two "identical" twins as they dominate the sport with their unique strategies and skills out on the court. Well okay, it’s mostly their height. Really it’s all about their height.

Lucas easily loses track of the twins and dives deep into a family’s secrets.

Emma breaks out a killer impression and awakens her inner teenage girl.

Spencer spills the secrets on being a twin.

Talking Points: Making Two Distinct Adults Look Like Thirteen-Year-Old Twins, A Title Moratorium, The Basketballing Is Both Good and Bad, A DCOM Period Piece, Larry and Mary: Two Sides of the Same Coin, The Greatest Skill of All: Height, Shady College Man/Personification of Fate, Everything Is Different Now For Some Reason, Hollow Farewells, Look At Those Freaks!, Drama Club Cliches, The Subtle But Amazing Coach, QUEEN NICKY, No Time For More Takes, A Lack of Dribbling, The Enigma Of Galen, The Missing Burge, Nicky’s Tenacity, Twin Telepathy, The Most Important Scrimmage In The World, Confidential Arts and Crafts, School District Negotiations, Infected Wounds, A Clunky But Compelling Family Argument, All The Neighbors Hate These Girls, Yachts And Fever Dreams, The Stupidest Loss, Ball Is Life, The Villain Redemption We Deserved, Chekov’s H, The Intense Other Basketball Coach, Money Shots And A Hot Hand, The Most Brutal Injury, The Perfect Counter-Strategy, The Longest Seven Seconds In Basketball

Music: “It Takes Two” by Rob Base & DJ EZ Rock

Episode 59: The Off-limits Barn

Invisible Sister (2015)

Happy Halloween Everybody!! Are you ready to get spook….wait, what? It’s not Halloween? Oh good. I knew we had to take a little break from our podcast duties which pushed this episode back, but it didn’t feel like it had been that long. Well it’s not a big deal anyway. While Invisible Sister has many of the trappings of a good ole’ Halloween DCOM, it’s not really that big a part of it. It’s more about two sisters learning more about one another through costumes, lacrosse, and (most importantly) science!

Emma shames her brother’s knowledge base and can’t get a name right.

Lucas lets guests into his mind palace and does a lot of white-knighting.

Talking Points: Science In Halloween’s Clothing, Ace-liens, Excessive Platitudes, Why CGI?, Genius/Goth, Correctly Aged Cast, The Problems With Perkins, FRO-YO, The Big Easy, Why Is George Here?, Meatballs???, Ingesting Insects for Invisibility (Brought to You By Ginger Fizz), Inconsistent Invisibility, The Fool-Proof Disguise, Spirit Circle, Boy’s Bathrooms, Lacrosse Time, Full-On Cheating, Time For a Ticking Clock, High School Labs: The Most High-tech Environment Possible, The Moth Catching Side-quest, A More Complex and Emotional Conflict, Halloween Rears Its Head, Let’s Romp the Swamp, Apologies to Nawlins, The Honeypot, Molly Makes a Weird Call, Perkins’ Finger Guns, Slow-mo Fro-yo, and Slam Narration

Music: “Invisible” by Duran Duran

Episode 58: It's Quints.

Quints (2000)

Hello, Hello, Hello, Hello, Hello! In many ways, this episode is quite different from what I’m sure anyone could have expected. Not only is it not about the movie we originally announced for this month, but we found ourselves doing a far more in-depth analysis of a movie’s emotion and themes than we usually do for a DCOM. To our credit, however, this is seemingly simple story about a bunch of babies changing peoples lives has more to it than you would think. It’s about things like art, family, and passion…but definitely still has plenty of jokes about babies pooping and peeing a lot so don’t worry yourself.

Lucas doesn’t understand babies and gets possessed.

Emma changes her mind about meatloaf and hates unreliable narration.

Austin dives deep into the each layer the film hides.

Talking Points: KJB Kills It Every Time, A Litany of Weird Bits, The Time of Octomom, Don Knotts in the Mix, The Dark Realities of These Parents, The World According to Jamie, Big Meme Energy, What’s Going On With Brad?, Lying For No Reason, MR. B: PREDATOR, Genuine Emotion, Disney Channel Sex Talk, Dancing On the Lip of The Volcano, I Didn’t Know It Was Quints, Lollipop Cigars, Infant Vibes, The Grover Opioid Crisis, The Nightmare of Making Quints, Fiona Doubtfire, The Madness of Cake and Lasagna, Jackal Johnson Is Ripped, Stealing Rainbow Brite’s Style, Saw Puzzles For Poor Parents, Jamie Demeans The Audience, A Discussion about Don Knotts Sexual History, Running While Crying, Brad: The Lost Menendez, Adam Saves The Family, Albert Is Fired For Doing His Job, Literally Pointless Bikers, Yet Another Creep Is In Power, Did This Movie Even Really Happen?, Get It Together Charlie

Music: “I’m Just a Kid” by Simple Plan

Episode 57: Off The Same Page

Stepsister From Planet Weird (2000)

Hey there bubbly boys, gaseous girls, and those intergalactic inbetweeners; are you ready to get weird??? Not in like a super fun way or anything, sorry if that was misleading. I just meant that we are watching Stepsister From Planet Weird this month and you need to be prepared. Not for anything to do with the aliens though, honestly that’s kind of not a big deal here. Really you just need to be ready for this film’s wild cultural references and strange sense of humor, coupled with the kind of whiplash only a DCOM can provide as it wildly flips from one tone to another.

Emma gets way too deep and can’t stop laughing.

Lucas bungles the intro and says no to the dress.

Talking Points: The End of the Zombies Saga, Dessert DCOMs?, A Strong Wind Surfing Component, The Crimes of Cosmo Cola, The Enigma of Cutter, A Surprisingly Deep Character Arc, The Last Gasp of the 1990s, Insane Architecture, Megan: The Only Sensible Person on Earth, Kathy Is Not Okay, What’s With the Potato Chips, Hats on Hats on Hats, Cutaway Gags, Cosmo Goes Too Hard, Bad at Being Human, Full CGI Nightmares, OUR QUEEN SERENA SOO, Speed of Light Engagement, The Immense (If Uninteresting) Power of Being Hot, We Needed More Mikey, A Major Cosmetics Representative?, The Most Convoluted Plan, Disney Channel Deep Cut, It Feels Like There Are Missing Scenes, Real World Parallels, Better Call Fred, The Realities of Zircalon Relations, Random Seltzer, Every Child Loves Sanford and Son, Hitting the Gaslight Pedal, This Is The World Megan Lives In, Intergalactic Accents, Monster Moments, Brought to You By Altoids, A Planet-saving Speech About Potato Chips, Reception Romance, The Lying Will Continue

Music: “Sister Sister” by the Haschak Sisters (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bcPa95uIMgw&ab_channel=HaschakSisters)

Episode 56: Dopey Bones Down

Descendants (2015)

Welcome friends of villainy! This month, the time has finally come for us dive deep into one of Disney Channel’s most recent hit franchises with Descendants. We are heading to the greatest country in the world, the United States of Auradon, to meet the various children of classic Disney heroes and villains. Can they get along? Will the bad blood between their parents define their future? Will a flowering love overcome all the hatred? Honestly, none of that is super important. We all know the talk of the town is the villain kid’s incredible outfits and choreography. I suppose sometimes it’s good to be bad…

Emma loses her mind at a mascot and truly loves Dove.

Lucas wants Mevie to happen and hates Doug.

Talking Points: More on Spin, Playing With That IP, The Belle Impostor, Behind Those Bestial Eyes, Thriving At Being Over the Top, Insane Lore, A Misunderstanding of Monarchies, Fairy Tale Pilot Program, The Crazy Choice of Cruella, The Cheap Crown, RIP CAMERON BOYCE, A Town of Bicycles, Jaws + Circus = Evil Island, They Did Jafar So Bad, Disney Villain Wine Mom, Magic Staring Contest, A Hot Aaron Stone Reference, A Very Sudden Heist, The Superfluous Vaudeville Song, What Is Up With Jane?, The Definitely Interesting Sport: Tourney, A New Demi Rises, Read the Room, Disney Created Ben, The Malchelorette, Love on the Isle, Soooo Shirtless, Shout Out To Foreigner, The Continuing Battle for Wheelchair User Representation, It All Falls Apart?, Coronation Looks, A Very Convenient Twist, Everyone Is Bad at Being Frozen, Are You Really Best Friends?

Music: “Rotten to the Core” By The Cast of Descendants

Episode 55: Too Much Chicken, Not Enough Stakes

Hatching Pete (2009)

Hey there everyone! How are you Cock-A-Doodle Doing?!?!?! Ugh. Sorry, our brains are a bit scrambled after having to pick apart Hatching Pete for you all. A movie that is by no means terrible, but definitely takes a toll on your mind, body, and soul. All we hope is that by listening to this episode we can save some of you the mental anguish we experienced as we suffered for our art by saying the word chicken more times than the human brain was ever designed to process. So tread carefully, but do still listen to us unravel as we uncover the dark secrets of the town of Brewster and the mysteries it hides under its exterior. While also trying to avoid spending any time talking about basketball or mascot antics since they really just start to blur together after a while.

Lucas throws out some theories and feels broken inside.

Emma brings some strong wordplay and really nails her references.

Talking Points: A True Enigma, Please Watch Hatching Pete Responsibly, The Most Grotesque Character in a DCOM, Why Is This a Comedy?, A Gym of Confused Teenagers, The Incredibly Small Gym, The Mess of Camie Poole, The Terrible But Beloved Basketball Team, The Trampoline of Emotions, A Lack of Food Fun, THE CULT OF THE CHICKEN, Low Energy Ivey, We Can’t Describe The Basketball And Antics, Iron Chicken, Everybody Loves/Hates The Chicken, Houston From Houston, Chicken Possession, Everyone Is Horny For The Chicken, An Incredibly Easy Sell, We’re Over The Hill, Detective Dill, Now Everyone Just Loves The Chicken, Deep Cut Comic Book References, Cheating With The Chicken, Poole Pulls A 180, The Twine Returns, The Secret Is Stupidly Revealed, Unfulfilling Heart To Hearts, Grand Theft Avian, The Magic’s In The Mystery Now I Guess, Pete & Cleat, The DCOMedy 2021 Bane-Off, The Chicken’s Secret Stuff

Music: “Let It Go” by Mitchell Musso and Tiffany Thornton

Episode 54: Rodney Pepper-Eyes

Jump In! (2007)

After the past year, one would have hoped this month would have started 2021 off better in the grand scheme of things. However, at least we can say we are starting the year off right on our show by taking a look at the exceedingly fun time that is Jump In! While it is definitely a movie that doesn’t take a ton of risks with its plot, it makes up for it with solid music, great chemistry, and plenty of that sweet double dutch action that just never gets old. Oh yeah, there is also some boxing in there for some reason but don’t let that ruin all that other good stuff for you.

Lucas gets nauseous from the camera and is always in Corbin’s Corner.

Emma can’t stand the narration and won’t be steamrolled.

Talking Points: Soundtrack Conflict, Corbin and Keke, Basically A Sports Biopic, Boxing Is Too Violent For Disney Channel, Corbin and Parkour, The Return of The King, Disney Actually Tries, A Well-Done Dead Parent, Disney Channel Sibling Age Gaps, Tammy: Feminist Icon, Big Balcony Problems, The Narration Spoils Its Ending, The Enigma of Mr. Hook, Gina’s Unfounded Hatred, Double Dutch Looks Rad, Where Is Bridget?, The Worst Boxing Ever, This Movie Hates Kids With Glasses, Double Dutch Destroys Lives, Pouring Liquid On Someone: A Rock Solid Comeback, What Was Rodney’s Plan, The Oldest Camera, Disney Has a Lawsuit Incoming, Nunya What?, Blow Off Your Girlfriend Son!, The Obsessive Photo Lab, Who Cares About This?, The Closest We May Ever Get to A Disney Channel Yo Momma Joke, That’s Your Takeaway? Corbin Goes HARD, Walking It Off, The Magic Referee, Corbin Continues To Go HARD, This Crowd Wants Blood, The Announcer’s Wild Style, An Incredibly Long But Incredibly Hype Performance

Music: “Push It To The Limit” by Corbin Bleu

Episode 53: Skates and Sex Pacts

Go Figure (2005)

While we certainly hope the new year will be full of change for all of us, our last episode of the year has us treading some very familiar ground. A high schooler discovering a new passion that changes them, their new passion conflicting with their previous one, their relationship with a parent evolving in unexpected ways, and of course: hockey. You’d think rehashing these concepts would make for an easy, if rather by-the-numbers, DCOM. For some reason however, this movie decided to try movie so many other things it ended up a bit messier than it needed to be. Go Figure.

Emma loves figure skating and gets obsessed with the romance.

Lucas can’t handle the “girly” humor and gets way too frustrated about a kid’s movie.

Talking Points: Too Much Telling With No Showing, Disney Channel Chicago Representation, The Eternal Wheel of DCOMs, Indoor Sports Domination, Spotty Narration, The Enigma of Ed, BOB AND GINGER, Topical Tonya Harding References, The Definitely Super Accurate Russian Woman, Walk-a-thon Woes, Everything About the Brother Sucks, Watch Out For Hooners, She Should Be in College, Someone Actually Asks Questions, Katelin Is a Republican, Twirl Girls, Time Has No Meaning, Nobody Taught Her Hockey, Irrational Hatred of Figure Skaters, An Out of Sequence Scene, Party-Party/Pamela’s Pulley Pranking Plan, That’s Kristi Yamaguchi!, The Problem Is Pamela, Terrible Fake Crying, Pregnancy On Ice, A Student Blackmails a Grown Man, Nothing Was Phat in 2005, The Worst Kept Secret In Hockey, Disney Channel Doping, Everyone Tells Her Not to Throw Away Her Dream, We Need to Talk About Pamela, The Brother’s Robot Becomes Relevant, All The Rules Get Thrown Out, An Absolutely Terrible Closing Line

Music: “Go Figure” by Everlife

Episode 52: Full-on Hand Magic

Wizards of Waverly Place: The Movie (2009)

After a rather difficult year for basically the entire world, we wanted to escape into something a bit more magical. Luckily for us, Disney Channel made a whole TV show about a Wizard family in an entire magical world that got so popular they gave it a whole movie! So join us as we head down to Waverly Place and….what’s that? Oh. I’ve just been informed that the majority of this movie completely removes the family from their established setting and characters to have them go on vacation. How original. I’m sure this won’t feel like an entirely out of continuity side story at all.

Lucas refuses a mental image and agrees with his sister for once.

Emma battles her own boredom and has a broken brain.

Talking Points: Canonicity Questions, Selena Gomez Juice, Wizards’ Accolades, The Unnecessary Max Russo, A Hilarious Dad and Overly Sexy Mom, Opening Issues, The Wizard World Sucks, Alex’s Illusions of Grandeur, A Perfectly Fun Family Vacation, Unjustified Emotion, Massive Info Dumps, The Bad Bird Vibes, Middle Aged And Ready To Party, This Setup Makes No Sense, Sleeping On The Job, This Movie Could Use Some Time Travel, Lazy Quicksand, A Human Moment Between Wizards, Upsetting Campfire Chats, Man vs. Bird, Everyone Just Gives Up, The Violent Tornado of Reality, A Very Athletic Wizard Battle, The Stupidest Necklace Ever, Bird Body Horror, Justin’s Eye Issues, A Reality Level Yeeting, Everyone Is Surprised Alex Does the Right Thing

Music: “Everything Is Not What It Seems” (Wizards of Waverly Place Theme) By Selena Gomez

Episode 51: Movie Mason's Megaplexxx of Pleasure

Phantom of the Megaplex (2000)

Happy Halloween Listeners! To celebrate the spookiest of seasons, we’re covering a The Phantom of the Megaplex! A movie full of…uh…umm…okay so to be honest with you, this movie ended up being far less Halloweeny than we were led to believe. It is a bit more focused on being a whodunit than putting out those spooky vibes. However, we are happy to report that it is also about an absolute legend named Movie Mason who has the entire world wrapped around his finger…and some other things too.

Emma gets hung-up on an unnamed character and has pronunciation problems.

Lucas fails at an accent and almost comes to blows with his sister.

Dyllan gets swept up in the movie magic.

Talking Points: Scooby-DCOM, Warm Movie Memories, An Actually Good Protagonist, There Are Only Boring or Wild Names, The Rooney Factor, The Many Protagonists, Fake Movie Titles, The Largest Bowl of Cereal Ever, Breaking Labor Laws, Donny Loves Pete, Alternate Phantom Theories, Very Unsexy Uniforms, Movie Mason’s Burlesque Days, Home Alone Level Stunts, Friends Who Hate Each Other, What Is A Cinema Sitter?, Caitlin’s Movie Theater Fetish, A Town of Karens, Public Domain Phantom Music, The Fan Hits the Fan, Extras in the Wind, THE PLANT METAPHOR, So Many Stairs, A Way Too Emotional Monologue, The Phantom’s Editing Skills, Brian Takes Charge, Boring Water Balloons, The Roof of Death, Misplaced Messages, The Phantom Shops at H&M, Smart House Reference!, They Solve It Offscreen?, A Solid Stunt, Why But No How, Pete Buys His Lady Breakfast

Music: “Hooray For Hollywood” Composed by Richard Whiting