Episode 18: Maturation

I... cannot begin to figure out a succinct way to summarize this episode, so let's just stick with the stories. This week, Burt and Yaretta cover the opening of a new mall on Uzara, the controversial Soyuz prison program, and the parliamentary crisis on Harrivalé.

Episode 17: Reproduction

Hi there everyone! It's been a bit hectic here on the Earth side of Cosmic Call production, but I think we've finally got our new workflow finalized and are ready to start reconstructing these episodes again! And, for our return episode, we're going to cover stories like... like... I don't even remember I'm still too creeped out to think straight.

Episode 16: Regeneration

It's been a while, but this time it wasn't our fault! The original Cosmic Call had a break in broadcasting at this point, and we thought it would be best to recreate that break to put you in the mindset of the original audience. Yaretta's working on growing back her legs, and Burt's working on figuring out how to live with the crushing oppressive guilt of his recent heinous sins. Stories include the geyser eruption on planet Allinon, and a belated Solis Day message.

Episode 15: Money

We're back from an impromptu break! Sorry about that. anyway uh, Yaretta gave Burt a credit last episode, and I guess now he's the richest being in the cosmos? And uh... things just keep spiraling from there.

Episode 14: Adult Content

Burt finally becomes cognizant of the... unfortunate subtext that the show has taken on, and I for one couldn't be happier about it. Hopefully this show is a little cleaner from here on out! Stories include the visiting ambassador to Miniterra, the UFO reported in the Octavia System, the release of Glevaela Haboona's new self-help book, and the discovery of rare crystals in the Sheol System.

Episode 13: Memory Leak, Part 2

It's apparently another slow news week in space, as Burt and Yaretta take this week to delve a bit more into Yaretta's past, at least as much as her drug-induced memory loss allows them to. Stories this week include the war between the Birb and the Allamat, and the Vrinrar Holiness Shacren's demand for donations of bread.

Episode 12: Power

Uh... boy. Not gonna lie, this episode made me uncomfortable enough while I was editing it that I don't really want to relisten to it to write this summary. I think they read a story about some kind of firebug or something? Uh.... yeah. Just, maybe uh, skip this one. 

Episode 11: Romance, Part 2

Getting back to Cosmic Call proper, Burt's still real hung up about his relationship with Jeremy. Yaretta tries to give him some advice, but... you can imagine how that goes. I guess they're gonna start taking questions from other aliens and stuff next episode, so that's cool! Stories this week include the discovery of the Xin system, the meteor impact on Koinatt station, the proposed public works project between planets Photoria and Papua. and the tragedy that occurred at the farewell concert of Supercluster.

Episode 10: Message From the Editors

It's starting to come to our attention that there might be some misconceptions about Cosmic Call. You guys get that this is like, a real show, right? Like, we've released some 9 hours of actual, literal space aliens, and somehow we're not world famous yet. We find that... odd. So, Ashley and I, Luke, decided we should sit down and give a little behind-the-scenes look at how Cosmic Call is made. The show will return to its regular format next week, featuring the LITERAL, ACTUAL ALIENS.

Episode 9: Romance

The monthly requisition shipment has arrived at the Tartarus! Yaretta finally has a heat lamp, Burt has some new toner, and... there are some other packages that have arrived too. Stories this week include the exploits of Bounty Hunter Ba Lee, the discovery and loss of the planet Rognar, the hot new beverage Sweet Enigma, and the political news from planet Evolet.

Episode 8: Hygiene

Burt and Yaretta are becoming closer, but that doesn't mean that everything's perfect. In fact, there's some problems that have been simmering for a while. Stories this week include the ongoing debate about the Ag'ylt climate crisis, the international incident caused by Councillor Blecklon's love of sports, the revolution against Great Leader Duls in the Coyopa system, and the discovery of the Verdigris plant on planet Utekra.

Episode 7: Monologue

Recovering from the nastiness of last week, Burt and Yaretta try and get the show back on track, and Yaretta finally reveals a little bit of her past as an actor! Stories in this episode include the overfishing controversy on Keziah, the O3 Mine test launch on Marsell, and the success of the new hit film Love on Lyca.

Episode 6: Holes

Y'know, when I agreed to take this editing contract I was not expecting these episodes to constantly be so scary. I mean beyond the vague existential horror of learning that we're not alone in the universe, y'know? Anyway, this week Burt, Yaretta and Jeremy deal with that... thing in their break room evolving to sap their intelligence. Stories this week include the disappearing ships near the planet Blackrock, the annual Mudhole 600 rock-climbing race, and the bizarre infrastructure project on the planet Kryox.

Also, I've been informed that I'm legally obligated to say that the "break room creature" can not affect you just by being heard on these recordings. Which uh... is good for me, I guess.

Episode 5: Evolution

Y'know, maybe this is just me being terracentric, but as I cut these episodes together I can't help but feel a little concerned about the fact that Burt keeps getting smarter. Are rogue AIs a thing out in the galaxy? Maybe that's a dumb nonsense superstition that we've come up with as humans. Anyway in this episode Burt gets a crush on a robot maid, and while we unfortunately don't have any documentation on what she looks like it makes me giggle to imagine that she's Rosie from The Jetsons so I'm going with that. This week's stories include the Xenon mining boom in the Gold Rush system, the spontaneously achieved sentience of a Cybernetic Caretaker unit, an update on Galactic Force Wrestling, and the rescue of two missing tourists on the planet Sijin.

Episode 4: Best of the Burt Sessions

Apparently, Yaretta was still reeling from the psychological horror she underwent last episode, and was unable to participate in a new episode. So instead, Burt ran an archived episode. NASA's archives have all the episodes from this uh... "era" of the show, but we decided not to publish them, for reasons that I think will probably be apparent. (To break kayfabe for a moment. Ashley's having some computer problems, and was unable to record anything this week. Hopefully it'll be fixed by next week! Sorry everybody).

Episode 3: WE'RE LISTENING

Um... huh. Stories covered this week include the planetary naming conflict in the Cordia System and the newest conquests of the memetic mindworm Drozalari.