What Your First Bionicle Says About You (from someone who knows nothing about Bionicle)

By Lexi

I had some Bionicles as a kid.  I had three of the ones that combined and my friend had the other three that combined.  Sometimes we'd combine them and make them fight each other.  That's the extent of my experience with Bionicle.  This is a list of what the first Bionicle you owned probably says about you as a person, based entirely on a single-paragraph summary of each character from Wikipedia and a picture of what they look like:

  • Tahu - You prefer to take things at face value.  Your favorite Power Ranger is the Red Ranger, your favorite Digimon is Agumon, and your favorite video game is Call of Duty.  You think Big Bang Theory is a perfectly fine television show and you don't understand why people have to be so damn critical of the Transformers movies.
  • Lewa - You have never stopped believing that Tommy from Power Rangers is the coolest person to ever exist. You vastly prefer the best friend/sidekick/friendly rival character in everything and think they'd make a better main character than the protagonist.  You've gotten into incredibly heated fights on this subject too many times to count.
  • Gali - Even though you hate the "token girl" trope, you immediately embrace every single one and will fight anyone who bags on literally any female character in a popular work of media at the drop of a hat.  You've written fanfiction about what if Link in Majora's Mask just kept the Zora mask and wore it permanently.
  • Kopaka - You prefer the clever heroes to the strong ones.  Your favorite stories are the ones that are way too complicated.  There's a solid chance you're some form of genderqueer now.
  • Pohatu - You think the Pokemon anime would be a lot better if they got rid of all the Pokemon fights and were just about Pokemon doing cute things.  You spend all your time in mmos doing crafting.  You've been playing No Man's Sky regularly since it launched and are really glad everyone else is getting excited about it again.
  • Onua - You fuckin' love ninjas.  Like whoa.