The shadow of the Calamity grows long across the Kingdom of Hyrule. In preparation for its coming, the Sheikah create an army of Guardians and four Divine Beasts to deliver such a defeat that the Calamity will not return for ten thousand years. Millennia later, a mysterious fortuneteller appears in the royal court, driving the King to uncover the ancient war machines buried deep underground. This is the 19th canonical Zelda game, "The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild", the latest game in the timeline. We discuss why Rhoam Bosphoramus Hyrule sucks major eggs, Link being unaware he has a girlfriend, and a mathematical equation to explain Ganon.