Episode 16: Hey, Smartphone

Zapped (2014)

This month we take our second foray into the modern era of DCOMs with 2014's Zapped. We quickly learn that this is almost in no way a remake of the gross sex comedy and is really about Zendaya being bad at mind control and somehow being both feminist and agressively gendered at the same time.

Lucas loves the villains and crushes hard on Zendaya. Emma hates the love interest and wants this power for herself.

Talking Points: Zombies Looks Awful, How to Pronounce Zendaya?, zAPPed, The Mom is Bad, Crazy Cliques, The Bratz Movie, The Love Interest Is Awful, SMARTPHONE, No School Runs Athletics This Way, Talking to Dogs, I’m Thinking Dance Off, She Tells Them The Truth?!, This Ending Sucks, Our Random Boyz n Motion Cover, Taglines Reloaded: Luke Does a Bad Job 2

Music: "Bamm!" by Milo Manheim, Meg Donnelly, and Kylee Russell; "Too Much" by Zendaya

Episode 15: Why Is He Made Of Frogs???

Halloweentown 2: Kalabar's Revenge (2001)

It's that time of year again! The leaves fall, a strange chill hangs in the air, and the DCOMedy crew reviews another Halloweentown Movie. This year we tackle Kalabar's Revenge, which has some big improvements...and some huge giant glaring flaws that make it an exhausting watch to say the least.

Emma continues to hate time travel and still has a thing for magical boys. Lucas tries to solve a mystery and drops a controversial opinion about BTTF. 

Talking Points: Sister Sister Return?, DCOM Hocus Pocus,  Freaky Friday: A Perfect Film, Everyone Is So Much Older, WTF Is Ghoulchat?, Marnie Goes Too Open Too Fast, Why Is Only The Dad British, Wizard v. Warlock, This Film Completely Invalidates The First, What Is Your Plan 2: Kalabar’s Boogaloo, They Completely Ignore a Huge Clue, Luke Is Entirely Pointless to the Plot, Gort Sucks, Gwen Needs to Get Laid, Blastoff Through The Time Hole, USE MAGIC GWEN, This Ending is Worse Than the First One 

Music: "Grim Grinning Ghosts (A Capella)" by VoicePlay (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B5TYZ8GqZbU)

Bonus Episode 2: Sing To Me Paolo

The Lizzie McGuire Movie (2003)

As an extra sweet October treat, we decided to put on our newsboy caps and go back to the 2000's with the surprisingly theatrically released Lizzie McGuire Movie. Come with us as we journey with Lizzie to Rome as she falls for an absolute creep, is hunted by a sadistic principal, and delivers the most iconic musical performance of a generation.

Lucas played himself proves he can do accent work. Emma is hit with intense flashbacks and is concerned about her Halloween plan. Ashley is sooo ready for this.

Talking points: Hilary’s Birthday, The Oscar-Worthy Soundtrack, Matt is a Horrible Human Being, The Parents Are Great, The Biggest Mistake of LaLaine’s Life, The Legend That is Ethan Craft, The UNGERMEYER, Unrealistic High School Wealth, Freakin Paolo, So Much Fashion, Everyone Wants to Get Some Action, The Redemption of Kate Sanders, Never Forget the Tearaway Skirt, Feminist Anthems, and Nobody Really Cares About Gordo x Lizzie

Music: "The Tide Is High (Get The Feeling)" by Atomic Kitten; "Volare" by Vitamin C; "We'll Figure It Out" (Theme Song to Lizzie McGuire); "Why Not" and "What Dreams Are Made Of" by Hilary Duff.

Editor's Note: We were using a new recording software for this episode and it had mixed results, apologies for the issues.

Episode 14: Time Finally Has Meaning

The Poof Point (2001)

As summer draws to a close, we hop into our Time's Arrow Machine to travel back to 2001 with The Poof Point. Join us as we regretfully sink our teeth into this less popular DCOM, and as we realize exactly why that is. We find some truly emotionally scarred human beings who are ruining the lives of their children who really do not take their parent's impending death seriously enough and force us to answer a gross would you rather.

Lucas throws shade at Tahj and feels bad about picking this movie. Emma got this confused with 17 Again and enjoys a good 2000's teen party.

Talking Points: A Sad Lack of News, The Lesser Mowry, Camera Explosions, The Set/Sound Designer Was On Drugs, Perpetual Cookies, The Dog Deserves An Emmy, Sir Bowser Wowser III, Secret Mean Girls, Goldfish Murder, Laptops: The Key to Time Travel, The Cycle of Neglect, Return of Body Horror, Giant Continuity Errors, The Parents Legit DIE, White Guy With Cornrows: The Hero This Movie Deserves, That Ruffles High, We Write a Better Movie

Music: "Parents Just Don't Understand" by DJ Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince

Episode 13: The Cult of Protozoa

This month, we both look to the past and to the future as we celebrate our first anniversary and review the rightfully popular Zenon: Girl of the 21st Century. Join us as we learn some future languages, explore the wonderful world of 2049 (which looks a lot like Earth in the 1990's with a few floating things and outfits leftover from Tomorrowland), and meet a man who is truly more an icon than a human.

Lucas messes up slang and had to record a segment in post. Emma recognizes a bad bitch and connects with a character on a spiritual level.

Zenon: Girl of The 21st Century (1999)

Talking Points: Anniversary Head to Head, History with Z, Future Speak, Space Station Lilapsophobia, Smoking Weed In Space, There Are NO CAMERAS?, Getting Grounded, Aunt Judy, A Nice House-Ass, Independence Day, Loud Typing = Hacker, Horse Seduction, Mandatory Veganism, Multiple Hackers, A Realistic DCOM Kiss, Greg Destroys Margie, Protozoa: Your New Lord and Savior, and Some More Taglines

Episode 12: DB Stands For "Dark Backstory"

Eddie's Million Dollar Cook-off (2003)

This is what Summer is all about. Food, friends, a little healthy competition, and of course defying the gender norms we as a a society have created. Well maybe not always that last one, but here is Eddie's Million Dollar Cook-off with all of these elements and more. Come along as we follow a young man's passion to cook with way too many montages and a character's traumatic backstory.

Lucas bungles an intro and wants to be in a food fight. Emma doesn't care about baseball and cries hysterically. Dyllan brings some expertise to the DCOMedy crew.

Talking Points: Raven’s Theme, Froot Loop Chicken, Phoned-In Villains, The Home Ec Teacher Rules, BRIDGET DOES NOTHING WRONG, Everybody Was Kung-Food Fighting, So Many Double Plays, Bully Cheerleaders, Flay Enters, The Ending Is The Best Part, Bobby Flay Does Nothing, Keep Those Taglines Coming, and The Exciting Anniversary Announcement

Music: "Centerfield" by John Fogerty

Episode 11: Girls Can Do Anything Boys Can Do

Teen Beach Movie (2013)

The DCOMedy Crew is getting summer started off right with our first foray into the Modern Era of Disney Channel as we ride the waves straight into Teen Beach Movie. Join us as we are again without a guest, but still manage to jump into an homage to the 60's beach movies and cheesy musicals and end up finding a movie built on a series of strong choices, some genuine bops, and the stupidest villains we have seen thus far.

Emma calls out a writer and really wants you to watch The West Wing. Lucas wins a bet and doesn't find anyone interesting.

Talking Points: Fuller Raven's Home, Drake vs. Josh, Ducktalk!, Confusing Motivations,  The Surfboard Is Magic?, Safety First!, Is Rascal Okay?, Why Does Giggles Just Gyrate? Literal Adults With Horrible Accents, A Back To The Future Situation, Seriously Disney...An Angry Birds Joke?, Feminism in 1962, , Straight-up Sci-Fi, The Biggest Leap, Lighthouse-phobia, and A Bad Ending That Doesn't Matter

Music: "Surf Crazy", "Cruisin' For A Bruisin'", "Falling For Ya", "Like Me", and "Can't Stop Singin" by the Cast of Teen Beach Movie

Episode 10: Paradoxes Not Included

Minutemen (2008)

This episode may be a tad long, but some guys in snowsuits showed up and said it was very important to the space-time continuum that this episode be longer than normal. On an unrelated note, this month we are looking at the surprisingly enjoyable classic that is Minutemen! Come along with our hosts and their first guest in a while, Emily (@ThisIsEmeralds) from War and Beast, on a genuinely good time travel superhero movie with incomprehensible science and where only one thing is constant: Derek is the WORST.

Emma does not understand time travel and does not care about the science. Lucas gets things wrong and falls in love. Emily dips her toes into DCOM's.

Talking Points: The Drought Is Over, Twitter Poll Results, A New DCOM, Charlie's Glow Up, Football Players Beat Up A Child and Commit a Crime, Modern Day Urkel, She Gave Him Meringue, Literally The Worst Vice Principal, Feline Time Travel, Disney Channel Tries to Say Slut, The Hook, The Snowsuit Guys, Magic Mops, Our Heroes Are Criminals, Get Out?, Casanova Zeke, No One Respects That The World Is Ending

Music: "Run It Back Again" by Corbin Bleu

Episode 9: Emma Wrote This Movie

Get A Clue (2002)

Much to the dismay of one of our hosts, our look back on Get a Clue is finally here! Come along on a film seemingly written by pulling ideas out of a hat, where children are allowed to participate in a possible murder investigation and have both ridiculous technology and even more ridiculous outfits that make it seem like a rejected crossover between Clueless and The Matrix.

Emma has a fashion overload and gets mad at her fake superhero boyfriend. Lucas reveals he has seen no movies and insults Queen LiLo.

Talking Points: Feminism Lite, Raven is Home, Spy Sister, Unrealistic Wealth, Obviously Named Characters, Journalistic Sexism, An Actually Good Dad, Our Heroes Commit Multiple Crimes, NAVY, Everything is On the Internet, Someone Uses a Pager, Why Is He Trusting A Child?, Awkward Dance Excuses, Infinite Money, The Red Herring Convention of 2002, Why Is He So Afraid of Children?, Who Called the Police?, You Had One Job!

Music: "Get A Clue" by Prozzak/Simon and Milo; "Fashionista" by Jimmy James

Episode 8: Stand By Your Merman

The Thirteenth Year (1999)

Despite technical delays, the DCOMedy Crew is ready to swim right up and cover the wettest and wildest DCOM yet: The Thirteenth Year. Journey with us to a rustic sea village where swimming is the paragon of sportsmanship, the sound design is just insane, and not being able to swim is a crime equating treason. Be sure to listen all the way to the end for a special announcement!

Lucas gets surprised by Disney Channel and coins a new phrase. Emma is done with Disney TV and gets grossed out by fish makeup.

Talking Points: Ducktalk, JonaSoul Cycle, Ridiculous Yet Somehow Real Names, Impossible Radar, Too Much Swimming, People Laugh at a Drowning Child, An Entirely Pointless Argument, Ridiculous Merman Powers, Hitch’s Law, The Spider-man Year, Kristen Stewart is in This?, The World’s Most Illogical Diagnosis, Criminal Mermaids, Fiji Needs to Sue Disney, Single Mermaid Mom: Wednesdays on NBC, and Disney Teaches A New Generation about Steroids

Music: (A Poor Quality Version of) "My Thirteenth Year" by Randy Crenshaw

Episode 7: Everybody Wants to Bone The Hologram

Pixel Perfect (2004)

Terribly sorry this one was so late everybody, but if we learned anything from the classic that is Pixel Perfect its that nobody's perfect! That is, except for a hologram made by a misogynistic and horny teenager which seems to  just make fun of people's weight and do upsetting dance moves for a children's movie. Join us as we rediscover a film we remembered well but found the experience of actually rewatching it to not be very enjoyable, so that's a good sign...

Lucas tries/fails to use Raviv’s proper name and misuses the word “congeal”. Emma rides the dragon that is NyQuil and makes Lucas insert a ton of clips in post.

Talking Points: The Most uncomfortable DCOM’s, The Dad Sucks, Who are the Band Members? The Moxley Spin Off, Crowd Scenes, A Hard Midnight, Straight Up Body Horror, Disney Channel Gets Deep, An Entirely Pointless Conversation about AI, Kinda Racism?, Literally the Craziest Ending, Ghost Holograms?, Emma’s Birthday Story

Music: "Get Real", "Nothing's Wrong With Me", and "Notice Me" by The Zetta Bytes; "Super Cali" by BoiOB/Orlando Brown; "Run The World (Girls) by Beyoncé

Bonus Episode 1: Real Steel Is Real Good

Real Steel (2011)

Come along with Lucas and new friend Jules (@GatsbyLow) as she joins him in this extra-special, extra-long bonus episode as they take a look at the under-appreciated robot boxing movie that is Real Steel....and by take a look at I mean basically just them gushing about how much they love it. This episode also serves as an impassioned plea to Shawn Levy to make a sequel and begging him to give us a call to work on it. Just be warned dear listeners: There’s Lore Here. 

Lucas loses an argument before he can start it and body shames a robot. Jules opens her own corner and completely incriminates herself.

Talking Points: Old-Fashioned Animal Cruelty, Hot on Hugh, Plot Cliffs, Mad Max: The Steel Warrior, Adorable Frankenstein, Things Get Real Creepy, Parts Unknown, This Final Fight is Soooooo Good, Sexy Tron, JUMP PUNCH!, Hopes for the Sequel, Accept Hugh Into Your Heart, Robo-Lovers, and Real Steel Original Characters

Music: "Give It A Go" by Timbaland (feat. Veronica Gardner); Theme Song from "Cubix: Robots for Everyone" 

Episode 6: Stay in Your Lalaine

You Wish! (2003)

Sorry this one is tad late folks, but if there were any movie to prove the idea that time has no meaning it would be You Wish! Join Emma and Lucas as they take a look at this It's A Wonderful Life ripoff that is really an advertisement for mental health awareness more than anything else. Wherein a boy may or may not kill his little brother but definitely finds out magic is real despite no one doing anything worthwhile with it.

Lucas relives being a younger brother and defends some Power Rangers. Emma shows how out of touch she is and reveals she is no longer afraid to die.

Talking Points: Mysterious Slime, Pet Turkeys, Bully Eating Disorders, Outdoor Lunchrooms, Pseudo Style Corner, BLING, Where’s On First?, Inexplicable Parkour, Disney Channel Teen Parties, Emma’s PSA, The Craziest Speech, They Paid for Vanessa Carlton?, Stranger Danger, Keeping Those Taglines Coming, Housekeeping

Music: "You Wish" by Lalaine; "A Thousand Miles" by Vanessa Carlton

Episode 5: Mountain Law

Johnny Tsunami (1999)

We decide there is no better way to celebrate the end of a garbage year than by watching a garbage movie....uh....I mean....the fondly remembered Johnny Tsunami. Come along as we surf our way into some kind of 80's teen sports movie, despite being made in 1999, with possibly the most unnecessarily confusing setup we have seen so far.

Lucas punches up the script and comes incredibly close to perfection. Emma tries out some accents and mispronounces stuff.

Talking Points: RIP Debbie Reynolds, The Heart of Ducktales, The Tsunami Identity, The Worst Family Drama, Time Has No Meaning, Emma’s Two Corners, Surf Porn, CLASS WARFARE: SKIES vs. URCHINS, The Craziest Hat on The Planet, Elitist Principals, An Impossible Escape, Is He Johnny Tsunami Now?, Return of the Taglines

Music: "Surfin' USA" by The Beach Boys

Episode 4: Open For Business

Kim Possible: So The Drama (2005)

Looks like Dr. Drakken is up to some new tricks and its up to Emma, Lucas, and their guest Lexi (@lexrotnicki) to help KP take him down and also help her through some really deep boy problems in Kim Possible: So the Drama. Join us on our mission to save the world from a robot death army while also getting our groove on to some sweet Jesse McCartney jams. 

Emma says things that are 100% true and loves the drama. Lucas body shames a ninja and fails to defend his gender. Lexi removes the wool from Lucas' eyes.

Talking Points: The Queen is Back and Corey is in the House, Awkward Promos, Rufus: The True Hero, Raviv of the Future, Men are Worthless, Lazy Naming from Bad Parents, The Girl Illuminati, Pointless Disguises, Monique Speak, Showing Some Skin, Everyone Loses the Plot, Jesse McCartney is a Gift to Humanity, Shego Should Totally Be Dead

Music: "Why Don't You Kiss Her" and "Get Your Shine On" by Jesse McCartney; "Call Me, Beep Me" by Christina Milian

Episode 3: What is Your Plan???

Halloweentown (1998)

Unfortunately some wayward ghosts seemed to have inhabited this particular episode, so sorry about the audio issues, but some poor spooks aren't enough to stop us from delivering one of our most requested reviews: Halloweentown. Join our usual hosts and their very first guest Molly (@mollzydollzy on Twitter and Instagram) as they completely destroy this universally beloved treasure while also say how much they love it. Happy Halloween!

Emma reunites with an old flame and gets the creeps. Lucas gets his mind blown and hates himself as a child. Molly exposes Halloweentown's bullying.

Talking Points: Debbie Reynolds Rules, Calabar vs. Kalabar, Marnie “Mic Drop” Piper, Off-Brand Mary Poppins, Skelepuns, SOAPY, Broom Budgets, Halloween Elvis, The Big Cheese, Old Haunts, The Craziest Thing, Halloween Hype Man, Racism Saves the Day, A Goofy-Pluto Situation, Yipee-Ki-Yay Chocolate Bar

Music: "Spooky Scary Skeletons" by Andrew Gold; "Spooky Scary Skeletons (Remix) - Extended Mix" by The Living Tombstone

Episode 2: I, Demibot

Princess Protection Program (2009)

Our two siblings find themselves looking for Princesses down in Puerto Rico...I mean the Louisiana Swamps as they dive into Princess Protection Program. They end up finding an unreasonably mean daughter, the world's worst father/secret agent, and a robot named Demetria ingratiating herself into society by being an incredible bowler and stealing the schtick from Cow Belles while teaching the world all women actually want to be princesses deep down inside.

Emma gets emotional and drives her brother to drink. Lucas finds some unlikely favorite characters and tries to be hip in 2009.

Talking Points: Kenny Ortega’s Dance Lair, BAITGIRL, Off-Brand Regina George, No Guns!, Emma’s Style Corner, The Jonas Doobie Brothers, Getting Coned, Texting AKA The Devil’s Weapon, The First (But Definitely Not The Last) Sibling Argument, How Do You Pronounce Caribbean?, Head to Head, and Tag-Team Taglines 2: Luke Does a Bad Job\

Music: "One and the Same" by Selena Gomez and Demi Lovato

Episode 1: 'Cuz Nineties

Smart House (1999)

Right out of the gate, the Nineties become an EXTREME factor with our first classic, Smart House. Wherein a family gets to live in a physically impossible home of the future but continually forgets just how smart the house is! They mainly just order smoothies, throw parties, and discuss the deep emotional trauma that can only come from the death of a loved one......Radical!!!

Emma avoids jailtime and discusses feminism. Lucas is gender normative and laughs at his own jokes. 

Talking Points: DCOM News, Katey Sagal Kills It, Computerboy, Tuna Noodle, Old Fashioned Bullying, Scientist Attractions, Literally Impossible Technology, Judgy AI, RAT BUTLER, Pure 90's Fun, House Puns, The Pinnacle of 8th Grade Romance, Robo-Sexual Relationships, and Mom Tornadoes

Music: "The House is Jumpin" by Barry Goldberg, John Philip Shenale, Sterling Smith, and Chan André

Episode 0: The Journey Begins

Every story needs a beginning, and here is ours. Two intrepid hosts set forth on their mission to watch and discuss every Disney Channel Original Movie...but first they want to fill you in on some stuff. We cover DCOM history, treasured memories, and how this whole shindig is going to work. 

Emma attempts to spill some tea and shows her age. Lucas fails at math and insults the audience.

Talking Points: The Era of DCOM, The First DCOM?, Halloween Based Sexual Awakenings, Hairbrush Plot Signifigance, Lasagna Alcoholism, and Luke's Wild Night In

Take a listen if you want to know what we are all about. If you are picking up what we are putting down, follow us on twitter @DCOMedy Podcast so you can be informed when the actual review episodes are up each month!