Episode 37: There Is No Heterosexual Explanation For This

Brink! (1998)

Brink! (1998)

Sorry to make y’all wait on this one a bit longer, but I think after three years we’ve earned a little bit of wiggle room. However, the delay was not because we didn’t want to talk about this movie, quite the contrary. We are beyond stoked to finally bring you our coverage of the absolute DCOM classic: Brink! So come along as we grind down a rail into this story of friendship, betrayal, identity, and obviously rollerblading. Because the nineties were a wild time and this movie is the distillation of exactly why.

Emma loves the formula and wants to join another cult.

Lucas missed out on blading and is ecstatic about the villain.

Talking Points: Brink Can Drink, A Useless Little Sister, Baggy Fashion Only, The Male Rachel, Heavy Rocket Power Comparisons, Incredible Slang, Unsuitable Stunt Double, Terrible Fake Magazines, TEAM X-BLADEZ, The Cokehead Manager, Boarders vs. Bladers, Phat Was Cool, Peruvian Traditions?, Fantastic Pranking Skills, The Biggest Mis-Quote in DCOM History, The Maturity of Brink, Family Finance Trouble, Peter’s Abusive Stepdad, X-Bladez Supervillain Lair, Faking Sick, The Skating Legend, SkateSlutz, Val Moriarty, Out of the Ether, That Bitch, Revolting Road Rash, Losing the Message, An Iconic Milkshake Throw, Insane Music Choices, A Violent Turn, An Unfortunately Sudden Ending

Music: “Give” by The Suicide Machines

Episode 36: Devils and Dirtboards

Johnny Kapahala: Back on Board (2007)

Johnny Kapahala: Back on Board (2007)

After a brief delay, our Johnny Kapahala: Back on Board episode has made it’s way down the mountain! Good thing dirt-boarding isn’t a racing sport. Or is it? Dyllan joins us once again as we cover the more land-based sequel to the even more classic Johnny Tsunami. Honestly, it’s a movie just as zig-zaggy as riding a board down a mountain.

Lucas has terrible hearing and writes Johnny Tsunami fan-fiction.  

Emma thought this sport was fake and freaks out about her bed.

Dyllan forgot to turn off his air conditioning so his audio sounds weird sometimes.

Talking Points: Missing Conflicts, Ridiculous Recasting, Surfing for Bikinis, The Incredibly Dangerous Dirt-boarding, Super Relevant Rocket Power References, Age Issues, JTA’s Three Strikes, A Mature Main Character, Surf-shop/Pray/Love, Everything Happens on the Same Day, Amazing Bully Names, The Trouble With Troy, Val and the Rushed Romance, Business Management, Never Trust Troy, Boarding on the Barge, SHAKY CAM, Johnny the G, Val: Knows What She Wants, Troy’s Commune, Mystery Business Man, Math Whiz, Cops on Parole, Johnny Falls for This, Jared Wants a Child to Die, Groms, Children Rebuild a Store, Sports Finally Happen, An Actual Arrest

Music: “Hold On” by the Jonas Brothers

Episode 35: A Disney Channel Psychological Thriller

Read It and Weep (2006)

Read It and Weep (2006)

This month’s episode is coming hot of the presses! We decided to pick up a copy of Read It and Weep, expecting to find a pretty standard story of a high-school student getting accidentally famous. What we didn’t expect to find was a character study of a young girl undergoing a mental breakdown and alienating everyone in her life for no reason other than her hallucination telling her to do so.

Emma soldiers on and wants everyone to stop making their own misery.

Lucas re-classifies this movie and tells an embarrassing story about Emma.

Talking Points: A Panabaker Double Feature, 2 Descendants 2 Furious, Her Insane Computer, Low-Rent Zac Efron, Stop Making Jason Dolley a Loser, What Were We Doing in 2006, Canadian Schools, Poetry Problems, Big Sad Boy Energy, The Most Insane Pizza Restaurant, A Confusing Writing Contest, Way Too Supportive Parents, Gotta Keep the Gold, ZAP, A Wasted Lenny, Lightspeed Book Printing, Overestimating the Fame of Authors, Disney Channel Adult Party, Why Is Sawyer So Great?, A Total Mental Breakdown on Live TV, An Unfairly Mean Protest, That Is Not How This Works!, All Ecosystems Go, Seaweed Reaction Shots, Why Is There Sushi At a Pizza Restaurant?

Music: “I Will Be Around” performed by Nick Whitaker

Episode 34: Women and Sandwiches

Freaky Friday (2018)

Freaky Friday (2018)

Listen up audience, just because we are covering Freaky Friday this month, you better not try to get out of listening to this episode to go on an uninteresting scavenger hunt! However, we will allow it so long as you do so to find this massive hourglass we are looking for. Still you should stay in and listen anyway, if only to hear us complain about the confusing decisions the filmmakers made both as a movie and an adaptation.

Lucas brings back his favorite theory and learns a new phrase.

Emma can’t let go of the 2003 movie and would die for Mike.

Mercedes manages to pull off one long con.

Talking Points: An Adaptation Hodge Podge, A Weird Weight Issue, Embarrassing DCOMs, Unnecessarily Animated Credits, Hanging Before School, Magic vs. Puppets, Inconsequential Friends, THE HUNT, The Huge Hourglass, #JusticeforMike, Autotune Crimes, Poorly Transitioned Songs, Magic is Real, 2003 Stereotyping, The Incredibly High Stakes, 2019 Mean Girls, Frog Dissection Attractions, Belly Piercings, Mom/Daughter vs. Daughter/Mom, Unnecessary Fart Humor, DCOM Shooting Location Tour, Lack of Struggle, Hard Parent Truths, A Child with a Balcony, Freaky Saturday, Torrey Did Nothing Wrong, Saying Tool on Disney Channel, The Hunt Makes No Sense, Random Body Positivity, Special Agent Jethro Gibbs, What Does the Audience See?!

Music: “Oh, Biology” by the Cast of Freaky Friday

Episode 33: On the Cutting Room Floor

Camp Rock (2008)

Camp Rock (2008)

It may not be Summer quite yet, but you better pack your bags, your musical instrument of choice, and your song book because: we are going to Camp Rock! Come with us as we travel back to the romantic time of 2008 and relive the film that re-introduced the world to Demi Lovato and helped to light the wildfire of Jonas Brothers mania.

Emma gets shook by style and is left wanting more.

Lucas shares some unpopular opinions and uses the wrong name.

Marissa relives her Jonas Brothers obsession.

Talking Points: Descendants 3 Trailer, Pre-gap or Post-gap, JoBros Mandala Effect, Triple Sunglasses, Disney Channel Scandal, The Demi Smile, The Thinness of Tess Tyler, Apologies to Kevin Jonas, Joe vs. Nick Girls, The Little Mean Girls, Lunchroom Set Design, Sensual Cupcakes, Second Breakfasts/Bad Editing, Misdirected Deception, Connect Three Prequel Movie, Food Fight Tease, The Most Romantic Scene, That’s Chappie, Caitlyn’s Music Rights, Purity Rings, Who’s on Jonas, Romantic Canoe Rides, Tears of a Jonas, Confusing Bracelet Ploys, A Moment of Light, The Dream Tour

Music: “Start the Party” and “This is Me” by the Cast of Camp Rock

Episode 32: May the Road Rise Up to Meet Ya

The Luck of the Irish (2001)

The Luck of the Irish (2001)

St. Patrick’s Day may have passed, but the heart of the Emerald Isle still beats strong in our chests. So, we are going to express our heritage loud and proud this month by reviewing The Luck of the Irish. Join us as we follow the rainbow to find the pot of gold at the end, even if instead of gold we find confusing Leprechaun logic and a surprising amount of American propaganda.

Emma bashes her heritage and is obsessed with pit stains.

Lucas flexes his Irish accent and does a one-man show.

Austin realizes he knows nothing about Leprechauns.

Talking Points: American Dream Propaganda, Offensive Costuming, The Last Merriman, Unnecessary Narration, Hello to Mr. Hoen, Sports Is Happening Now, Horror Movie Parents, Searching for Johnsons, Kyle is an Idiot, A Non-Copyrighted Lucky Charm, A Random Irish Festival, The Original “What Are Those”, Backpack Anxiety, Leprechaun Biology, Bianca/Debbie/Bonnie, A Crowd Bullies a Child, The Dad Should Be Way More Concerned, Leprechaun Lessons, Are All Irish People Leprechauns?, Austin Powers Chase, A Conflict of Leprechaun Interest, Reilly O’Reilly, Holding Irish Grudges, Disney Channels Confronts Slavery, Leprechauns Are Wizards Now, A Classic Cleveland Crossover, Cleveland Is a Punishment

Editor’s Note: We were trying out a new recording software and, while it worked pretty well, it did result in a little audio weirdness at times.

Music: “When Irish Eyes Are Smiling” performed by Foster & Allen

Episode 31: Stop Saying Daddy

Cow Belles (2006)

Cow Belles (2006)

We decided to review Cow Belles this month because you all are a bunch of spoiled, inconsiderate jerks and wanted you to learn something. Now, I know that nothing about the way you behave or act indicates this, but that doesn’t stop everyone from being mean to Aly & AJ so take that! Come and change your ways by experiencing all the fun stuff this movie has…like business management and FDA regulations.

Lucas makes a weird analogy and does a great accent.

Emma loves manipulating men and wants the movie to be about something else.

Talking Points: The Kim Possible Movie, Lack of Tension, Clueless Shame, The Actor from Everything, The Incredibly Obvious Villain, Butterfly Collecting, A Confusingly Dead Mom, What is a Cotillion?, Ridiculous Party Budget, Accidental Arson, An Uncle Joey Situation, Everyone is Mean to Teenagers, Aly and AJ Never Sing, Mess Humor, Power Point Pacing, Scrounging for Footage, FIND ANYTHING, No Drama, A Random Pizza Scene, The Worst Rich Girls, A Rain Man Reference, Completely New Character Traits, Stop Having Animal Births , Farmer’s Only, Fill-ippe, Pointless Scenes, FDA Regulations, Stealing the Spotlight, The Bad Guy Wins, Alternate Endings

Music: “On the Ride” by Aly and AJ