Episode 30: Bullying And Cheating Are Cool?

Genius (1999)

Genius (1999)

The DCOMedy crew is many things, but one thing we definitely aren’t is smart or athletic. Well sure enough, here comes Genius to judge our abilities of being both. Join us for a film that has kind of aged poorly, as we discover why they don’t really show it anymore as well as a theoretical particle that will change the future of humanity forever! But that’s really more of a side thing to cringey school scenes and hockey.

Lucas has trouble pronouncing names and teaches science. 

Emma finds a new crush and wants to talk about Flubber. 

Dyllan opens a new corner.

Talking Points: The Cringe, The Black Sheep of 1999, Rufus Revealed, Dad Boyle, Off-Screen Mothers, English Please, Blades vs. Skates, New Chicagoronto, Soufflé Machines, Computers + Pipes = Science, Broken Homes, A Man Named Bear, PIFFWHIFFER, The Bluntest Man, Confusing Living Situations, Adults Bullying Children, Chazzing It Up, Easy Enrollment, Johnny Bahama Vomit, Krickstein Don’t Care, Goin Psycho, The Dad Knows Nothing, Tutoring Trope, Smelling Hair, Chaz Bourne, A Horrible Accident, Paying the Water Bill, Everyone Laughs at a Wounded Child, Charlie Is Actually Nice, Invalid Nuns, Claire-zer Soze, Charlie Doesn’t Explain Anything, Everybody Hates Charlie, Claire Does Nothing Wrong, Krickstein Saves the Day?, The Game Continues, Junior High Genius

Music: “The Hockey Song” by Stompin’ Tim Connors

Episode 29: The Wrath of Lucas

Avalon High (2010)

Avalon High (2010)

All right folks, time to gather round the table (get it?) and listen as we rant and rave about the insane roller-coaster that is Avalon High. It’s a film that has a lot going for it: a good cast, a solid source material, and loads of intrigue. However, the thing that truly makes it worth talking about is how it somehow manages to completely ruin all of it.

Lucas gets way too hot on this topic and almost loses his voice.

Emma is underwhelmed by the romantic lead and makes a YouTube video essay.

Talking Points: This Looks Expensive, Avalon High Stans, The Kim Possible Trailer, Allie “New Girl” Pennington, The Worst Professors, Mysterious Boxes, Definitely Not Maryland, So Many Running Montages, DCOM Ezra Miller, All Practices Happening Simultaneously, The Order of the Bear, If You Are Young With a Cane You Are Evil, FRIEND BURGERS, Reincarnation Relocation, Vampires???, Marco’s Bad Boy Antics, Molly Quinn Deserves an Oscar, Locker Acting, Meteor Shower + Eclipse = Arthur, Everyone Knows, The Football Team Breaks Bad So Fast, Something For the Ladies, Buckle Your Seat-belts, Mysterious Green Lighting, Anticlimactic Relationship Resolution, Missed Theatre Opportunities, The Dumbest Plot Twist, The Backup QB Crushes It, All of Our Money Is Tied Up in Horses

Music: “Battlefield” by Jordin Sparks

Episode 28: This Should Have Been a Dream

Jett Jackson: The Movie (2001)

Jett Jackson: The Movie (2001)

We have quite an interesting movie for all of you this month. Every time you think it’s gonna zig? It zags. Although I guess that is to be expected from the kind of superspy theatrics on display in Jett Jackson: The Movie. Come along as we dive into a movie that goes so meta with its concept of different realities that by the end you won’t even know what’s real anymore…

Luke knows nothing about this show and had portal problems.

Emma reinforces gender roles and wants more romance.

Talking Points: Life Size 2, Rear Memento, Blowing Past Sadness, Disney Channel’s First Crackhead, This Movie Is So Meta It Can’t Be Criticized, A Life With Derek Feel, Is This The Finale?, The Space-Time Nonsense Machine, Just Ask Her!, Sudden Proms, Get That Money, JettBucks, The Most Insane Premise, Great Grandmothers, CHICAGO IS GONE, Silverstone Based School System, Everybody Hates Jett, New Canada City, The Leather Budget, Scraping the Dimension Hole, Law and Order: Silverstone, A Rad Fight Scene, Cargo Goons, Old People in DCOMs Are Magic, An Extensive Rendition of the Itsy Bitsy Spider, Kayla x Jett OTP, Everybody Loves Jett Again…for No Reason, Cost Effective Force Fields, A Trio of Jacksons, and A Nonsensical Solution

Music: “Jett Jackson Theme” by Youngstown

Episode 27: Risking It for The Biscuit

Halloweentown High (2004)

Halloweentown High (2004)

It is that time of year once again my friends…the spooky season is upon us! While this may just mean it’s a time of candy and costumes to you, for us it means it’s time to return to Halloweentown again. Not literally of course, they don’t have the budget for that this year. With Halloweentown High, we are going all in on the mortal world this time; much like Marnie is going all in with some guy she just met. Because clearly she never learns anything, including more magic.

Emma forgets her love and has to be open about her drunkenness.

Luke writes some fanfiction and reads into the movie way too much.

Talking Points: Lack of Recap, Stellar Spooky Sets, More Confusing Halloween Creatures, Debbie Reynolds Continues to Slay, Gwen Cromwell: Halloweentown Heartthrob, Sophie Gets Screwed, Magic Mary Magdalene, Frightening Fashion, Aggie Can’t Teach, Halloweentown Math and Science, Creepy Cody, The Rad Clubhouse, Marnie Has Learned Nothing, A Very Confusing Romance, A Million Red Flags, Sophie Misses Everything, Marnie vs. Aggie, Dylan Actually Matters for One Second, Magical Cell Phone Prisons, Aggie’s Dramatic Reveals, Marnie Putting It All on the Line, Disappointing Halloween Costumes, Reveal Fails, Another Fast and Unsatisfying Ending

Music: “Strange World” by Jessie Payo

Episode 26: It's Just Not.

Dadnapped (2009)

Dadnapped (2009)

Folks…our only real hope for this episode is that you can find some enjoyment in our deep descent into sorrow and exhaustion as we discuss the cinematic blunder that is Dadnapped. A marvel of mistakes, poor decision-making, and an apparent lack of effort. Yup, this is a bad one folks, so bad that by the end we are basically just praying for the chance to kill one of the main characters with our bare hands.

Emma needs to apologize and decided to fix her shower curtain.

Lucas knows what he’s about and loses control of his voice.

Talking Points: Rapid Fire News, Good Actors Made Bad, Melissa Has A Serious Mental Illness, Dentist Secret Agents, Word Wham, Nobody Is Giving This 100%, Jason Earles: Human Time Capsule, Making Messes, Too Much Goop Not Enough Space, Who The Hell is Deb?, FLOSS, The Nappers Demand Nothing, Messy Continuity, Double Dadnappings, Missing Scenes, Lip Gloss Payoff, Goop War, Secret Agent Sexism, Tripp Zoome’s Mortality, We’re All Phoning It In, If This Movie Got Made You Can Do Anything

Music: “Hero in Me” by Emily Osment

Episode 25: What The Heck Are Those Two Doing In A Tree?!

High School Musical (2006)

High School Musical (2006)

It is finally time everyone. The stakes are high, but our excitement is higher. We are celebrating our monumental two-year anniversary by reviewing High. School. Musical. And of course by review, I mean we mostly just quote the best lines and shout WHAT TEAM? WILDCATS in your ears the whole episode. 

Lucas loves Corbin Bleu and gets cast to dub over Gabriella. Emma gets location vindication and wants to see some shirtless dudes.

Talking Points: A Cultural Phenomenon, Our HSM Obsession, The Problem with Gabriella, Karaoke Russian Roulette, Fate’s Role in HSM, Constant State of Pep Rally, Sharpay Evans: An Icon, Coach Bolton and Ms. Darbus Are Dead, Pink Jelly?, CELLITARY CONFINEMENT, Chad’s Armpit Hair, Search the Internet, Wildcat Spirit, The Bolton Estate, Bad Audition Montages, Ryan Is Gay, Our HSM 4 Pitch, Zeke: The Purest Boy, Troy’s Sex Garden, Coach Cockblock, Theatre Interventions, Chad’s Watches, Gabriella’s Terrible Songs, WTF Is A Scholastic Decathalon?, Troy Bolton: Basketball Messiah,These Kids Commit A Crime, Kelsey Disappears For No Reason, Rapid-Fire Ending

Episode 24: How Geneva Got Her Groove Back

Motocrossed (2001)

Motocrossed (2001)

We decided to hit the track this month with Motocrossed, which seems like it would be a film about motocross. Really it's about the relationship between a mother and daughter who find themselves once they escape the influence of the family's monstrous father. So if you expected to understand anything about how motocross works I suggest you check elsewhere because we still have no clue.

Emma writes her own movie/musical and falls for a male model motocrosser Luke is persecuted for his pronunciation and flexes his French accent. Dyllan plays to his wheelhouse of films with dream-crushing parents.

Talking Points: A Quick Start, Another Horrible Father, Child Mechanics, Betting It All, We Know Nothing About Motocross, The Most Unorganized Sport, Surprise Haircuts, Tear that ACL!, Twin Names,r 2000’s Telegram, Motocross War Wounds, Jimmy Bottles: The Most Important Character, A Laundry Metaphor, Strategic Nail Polish, Dean Talon: Professional Hot Guy, Faryn?, Homoerotic Lakes, One of the Most Sexual Scenes in DCOM History, DEAN’S PANTS,  Support Your Daughter!, Renee Freakin Cartier, French Jerk Stereotype, Kicking the Plot into Overdrive, The Fastest Working Frenchman Ever

Music: "We're at the Top of the World" by The Juliana Theory

Episode 23: Mel's Special Lemonade

Lemonade Mouth (2011)

Lemonade Mouth (2011)

Poets. Geniuses. Revolutionaries. The DCOMedy Crew has been called none of these things, but they are still here to talk about Lemonade Mouth for far longer than anyone should really desire to listen. Join us as we miss a bunch of crucial scenes and have to backpedal on them and get upset this film can't fulfill its subplots to save its life.

Luke drinks lemonade and tears up. Emma stans Bridgit Mendler and fans people with grape leaves. Ashley gets broken by some Disney Channel rapping.

Talking Points: Ashley vs. Ashley, New KP Characters, The Most Extra Intro, Poorly Cast Parents, No One Cares About Scott, A Waste of McDonald, Secret Dress Codes, Wen’s Mommy, Not Delivering on Subplots, Disney and Wheelchairs, Red Herring Lemonade Mouths, Wen Hates His Own Horse, Vegetarian Rage, Cellphone Variety, Creepy Wendell, Confusing Music Videos, Guitar Tricks, Old Cats, The Coldest Bars Imaginable,  The Lemonade is GROSS, Confusing Activism, More Non-Branded Costumes, Lemonade Solves Everything, Disney Channel’s Idea of Political Statements, A Random Cloud Watching Interlude, No Teenager Has a Radio, Forced Rock Bottom, The Lemonade Destination, What Is Your Plan?, No Satisfaction, Deus Ex Mel

Episode 22: Emma vs. Luke - Dawn of Zombies

Z-O-M-B-I-E-S (2018)

Z-O-M-B-I-E-S (2018)

This month, we are looking at the most recent DCOM yet: Zombies. Surprisingly, it has left us in a bit of a standoff. One host thinks its good, one thinks its bad, but they are both definitely really confused about how zombies work. Join us for some amazing choreography, hilarious side characters, and ridiculous wig work.

Emma misses that this is an allegory and doesn’t pay attention. Luke gets his speech patterns called out and wants you to know he runs our twitter.

Talking Points: Nobody Tell Disney Channel About Us, Kim Possible Casting, Horrible Zombie Logic, Zombie Uniforms, Confirmed Zombie Sex, Twilight Parody, Full Blue’s Clues, Wig on a Wig, Allegories with Mixed Messages, Bree and Bonzo: Incredibly Pointless, Time Once Again Has No Meaning, The Amazing Football Coach, Pointless Walls, Inconsistent Hatred, Zombies vs. Fire, Zombie Social Justice, ZOMBIE MASH, Performance Enhanced Zombies, Human World Problems, Necrodopolous?, Confusing Dream Sequences, Scooby-Bonzo, Non-specific Sabotage, The Power of Cheer, What Got Fixed? 

Episode 21: Love...And Illegal Fishing Practices

A Ring of Endless Light (2001)

A Ring of Endless Light (2001)

We decided to take a trip down to a confusingly located island this April, by which I mean we watched A Ring of Endless Light. There is a lot to unpack in this one folks, so join us as we tackle a movie with some dark turns and really strange religious undertones. Although, at its core, it is a story about a girl caught between two potential loves while trying to stop the illegal fishing industry. Oh, also she can talk to dolphins but that's really more of a side thing.

Lucas did a lot of research and opens a new corner. Emma doesn’t pick up on a lot and is real bitter.

Points: Life Size 2, Thirteenth Year Leftovers, GRANDFATHER, Mr. Rochester and Ned, Shaky Hands = Dead, Merriman Glow-up, Mr. Supernatural, Age Issues, Serious DCOMs, Mischa Shows Some Skin, Random and Bad CGI,  Another Dead Parent, Casual Drowning, Poets Are Telepathic, Dolphin Hugger, Low-Risk Love Triangles, Lip Kissin', The Most Confusing Argument, An Equally Confusing Analogy, The Most Graphic Scene in a DCOM, Too Much Good D, Mr. Merriman Steal Yo Girl, Mischa Barton Learns What Hands Are, The Dolphins Have No Secrets, The Confusing Tragedy of Zachary Grey, Straight Up Leukemia, A Thrilling Dolphin Rescue, An Onscreen Death

Music: "The Promise (The Dolphin Song)" by Olivia Newton John

Episode 20: Everybody Loves Jordan

Stuck in the Suburbs (2004)

Stuck in the Suburbs (2004)

This month, we've got Danielle Panabaker to the left and Brenda Song to the right so you know we are Stuck in the Suburbs with you. Might as well join us as we rock to the soundtrack, learn the power of friendship, and relive our youth in the early 2000s. 

Emma needs a location and feel a unique mix of tipsy, nostalgic, and emotional. Lucas has to translate Emma's nonsense and gets deep. 

Talking Points: News Tricklins, Fake Music Magazines, Cold Stone Steve Austin, Steve Holland: Savage, Cobie Smulders, Disney vs. Nick, Badly Aged Casting, Raisin Payoff, Brenda Song Masterclass, May I Call You Kip?, Drew Seeley Cameo, Stop the Creepy Little Brothers, Haircut Hijacking, Dog Identification, The House is A Metaphor, Brenda Soze, Queen vs. Queen, We Miss Lying, Violent Target Argument, Helmet Enforcement, Random Thugs, JUST GRAB THEM, A Confusing Ending

Music: "Make a Wish" and "More Than Me" by Jordan Cahill/Taran Killam; "Good Life" by Jesse McCartney

Episode 19: Hullabaloo About Loubalu

Geek Charming (2011)

Geek Charming (2011)

It's a tale as old as time. Boy meets girl, dumps his lunch on her, and then asks her to be the star of a documentary. Come along as we jump over a big hurdle of awkwardness, try to make sense of this bonkers script, and endure more unexplained vlogging. 

Emma relives her popularity and has no follow through. Lucas needs a Geography lesson and flexes his film muscles.

Talking Points: Kim Possible Movie, Ironic Zombie Expectancy, More DCOM Drinking Games, Another Mean Girls Rip-off, THE RAMP, We Need To Talk About Asher, More Freakin Vlogs, A Perfect Storm of Tropes, 2005 Cell Phone Store, Dylan’s Supervillain Lair, Missing Marta, San Diego vs. Francisco, Fedoras All Around, Makeover Montage!, Burping Contests, Glasses Shaming, Amber Was Never Your Mom, This Ending Is Mean Girls

Music: "Hey, Princess" by Allstar Weekend

Episode 18: Wizard's Duel with Richard Nixon

Now You See It... (2005)

Now You See It... (2005)

This month, we try to capture a little magic for the new year by reviewing the mystifying film Now You See It... Not mystifying because it's like magic, but because this film is an enigma not even the greatest film theorists could even begin to comprehend. You might as well try one of the many drinking games we suggest with the film and see if that makes anything that happens seem like it is a coherent narrative.

Lucas has amnesia about rankings and is here for high stakes. Emma didn’t learn anyone’s name and has some feelings for Aly Michaka.

Talking Points: A Zombie Turd, Reranking, The Puzzle Drinking Game, Return of the Fashion Corner, Are We In New Orleans?, The World’s Worst Reality Show Competition, Disney Censorship, Magicians are Safe-crackers?, Unquestioned Teleportation, An Nonsensical Mechanical Bull, Fortune Teller Stereotypes, The Plot Actually Starts to Happen, Knight Fight, Aly Is an Idiot, Mystic Max Rules, Hall of Mirror Escapes, Attempted Murder on Disney Channel, The Most Insane Thing, A Totally Unsatisfying Ending

Music: "Fashionista" by Jimmy James; "Do You Believe In Magic" by Aly & AJ

Episode 16: Hey, Smartphone

Zapped (2014)

Zapped (2014)

This month we take our second foray into the modern era of DCOMs with 2014's Zapped. We quickly learn that this is almost in no way a remake of the gross sex comedy and is really about Zendaya being bad at mind control and somehow being both feminist and agressively gendered at the same time.

Lucas loves the villains and crushes hard on Zendaya. Emma hates the love interest and wants this power for herself.

Talking Points: Zombies Looks Awful, How to Pronounce Zendaya?, zAPPed, The Mom is Bad, Crazy Cliques, The Bratz Movie, The Love Interest Is Awful, SMARTPHONE, No School Runs Athletics This Way, Talking to Dogs, I’m Thinking Dance Off, She Tells Them The Truth?!, This Ending Sucks, Our Random Boyz n Motion Cover, Taglines Reloaded: Luke Does a Bad Job 2

Music: "Bamm!" by Milo Manheim, Meg Donnelly, and Kylee Russell; "Too Much" by Zendaya

Episode 15: Why Is He Made Of Frogs???

Halloweentown 2: Kalabar's Revenge (2001)

Halloweentown 2: Kalabar's Revenge (2001)

It's that time of year again! The leaves fall, a strange chill hangs in the air, and the DCOMedy crew reviews another Halloweentown Movie. This year we tackle Kalabar's Revenge, which has some big improvements...and some huge giant glaring flaws that make it an exhausting watch to say the least.

Emma continues to hate time travel and still has a thing for magical boys. Lucas tries to solve a mystery and drops a controversial opinion about BTTF. 

Talking Points: Sister Sister Return?, DCOM Hocus Pocus,  Freaky Friday: A Perfect Film, Everyone Is So Much Older, WTF Is Ghoulchat?, Marnie Goes Too Open Too Fast, Why Is Only The Dad British, Wizard v. Warlock, This Film Completely Invalidates The First, What Is Your Plan 2: Kalabar’s Boogaloo, They Completely Ignore a Huge Clue, Luke Is Entirely Pointless to the Plot, Gort Sucks, Gwen Needs to Get Laid, Blastoff Through The Time Hole, USE MAGIC GWEN, This Ending is Worse Than the First One 

Music: "Grim Grinning Ghosts (A Capella)" by VoicePlay (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B5TYZ8GqZbU)

Episode 14: Time Finally Has Meaning

The Poof Point (2001)

The Poof Point (2001)

As summer draws to a close, we hop into our Time's Arrow Machine to travel back to 2001 with The Poof Point. Join us as we regretfully sink our teeth into this less popular DCOM, and as we realize exactly why that is. We find some truly emotionally scarred human beings who are ruining the lives of their children who really do not take their parent's impending death seriously enough and force us to answer a gross would you rather.

Lucas throws shade at Tahj and feels bad about picking this movie. Emma got this confused with 17 Again and enjoys a good 2000's teen party.

Talking Points: A Sad Lack of News, The Lesser Mowry, Camera Explosions, The Set/Sound Designer Was On Drugs, Perpetual Cookies, The Dog Deserves An Emmy, Sir Bowser Wowser III, Secret Mean Girls, Goldfish Murder, Laptops: The Key to Time Travel, The Cycle of Neglect, Return of Body Horror, Giant Continuity Errors, The Parents Legit DIE, White Guy With Cornrows: The Hero This Movie Deserves, That Ruffles High, We Write a Better Movie

Music: "Parents Just Don't Understand" by DJ Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince

Episode 13: The Cult of Protozoa

This month, we both look to the past and to the future as we celebrate our first anniversary and review the rightfully popular Zenon: Girl of the 21st Century. Join us as we learn some future languages, explore the wonderful world of 2049 (which looks a lot like Earth in the 1990's with a few floating things and outfits leftover from Tomorrowland), and meet a man who is truly more an icon than a human.

Lucas messes up slang and had to record a segment in post. Emma recognizes a bad bitch and connects with a character on a spiritual level.

Zenon: Girl of The 21st Century (1999)

Zenon: Girl of The 21st Century (1999)

Talking Points: Anniversary Head to Head, History with Z, Future Speak, Space Station Lilapsophobia, Smoking Weed In Space, There Are NO CAMERAS?, Getting Grounded, Aunt Judy, A Nice House-Ass, Independence Day, Loud Typing = Hacker, Horse Seduction, Mandatory Veganism, Multiple Hackers, A Realistic DCOM Kiss, Greg Destroys Margie, Protozoa: Your New Lord and Savior, and Some More Taglines

Episode 12: DB Stands For "Dark Backstory"

Eddie's Million Dollar Cook-off (2003)

Eddie's Million Dollar Cook-off (2003)

This is what Summer is all about. Food, friends, a little healthy competition, and of course defying the gender norms we as a a society have created. Well maybe not always that last one, but here is Eddie's Million Dollar Cook-off with all of these elements and more. Come along as we follow a young man's passion to cook with way too many montages and a character's traumatic backstory.

Lucas bungles an intro and wants to be in a food fight. Emma doesn't care about baseball and cries hysterically. Dyllan brings some expertise to the DCOMedy crew.

Talking Points: Raven’s Theme, Froot Loop Chicken, Phoned-In Villains, The Home Ec Teacher Rules, BRIDGET DOES NOTHING WRONG, Everybody Was Kung-Food Fighting, So Many Double Plays, Bully Cheerleaders, Flay Enters, The Ending Is The Best Part, Bobby Flay Does Nothing, Keep Those Taglines Coming, and The Exciting Anniversary Announcement

Music: "Centerfield" by John Fogerty

Episode 11: Girls Can Do Anything Boys Can Do

Teen Beach Movie (2013)

Teen Beach Movie (2013)

The DCOMedy Crew is getting summer started off right with our first foray into the Modern Era of Disney Channel as we ride the waves straight into Teen Beach Movie. Join us as we are again without a guest, but still manage to jump into an homage to the 60's beach movies and cheesy musicals and end up finding a movie built on a series of strong choices, some genuine bops, and the stupidest villains we have seen thus far.

Emma calls out a writer and really wants you to watch The West Wing. Lucas wins a bet and doesn't find anyone interesting.

Talking Points: Fuller Raven's Home, Drake vs. Josh, Ducktalk!, Confusing Motivations,  The Surfboard Is Magic?, Safety First!, Is Rascal Okay?, Why Does Giggles Just Gyrate? Literal Adults With Horrible Accents, A Back To The Future Situation, Seriously Disney...An Angry Birds Joke?, Feminism in 1962, , Straight-up Sci-Fi, The Biggest Leap, Lighthouse-phobia, and A Bad Ending That Doesn't Matter

Music: "Surf Crazy", "Cruisin' For A Bruisin'", "Falling For Ya", "Like Me", and "Can't Stop Singin" by the Cast of Teen Beach Movie

Episode 10: Paradoxes Not Included

Minutemen (2008)

Minutemen (2008)

This episode may be a tad long, but some guys in snowsuits showed up and said it was very important to the space-time continuum that this episode be longer than normal. On an unrelated note, this month we are looking at the surprisingly enjoyable classic that is Minutemen! Come along with our hosts and their first guest in a while, Emily (@ThisIsEmeralds) from War and Beast, on a genuinely good time travel superhero movie with incomprehensible science and where only one thing is constant: Derek is the WORST.

Emma does not understand time travel and does not care about the science. Lucas gets things wrong and falls in love. Emily dips her toes into DCOM's.

Talking Points: The Drought Is Over, Twitter Poll Results, A New DCOM, Charlie's Glow Up, Football Players Beat Up A Child and Commit a Crime, Modern Day Urkel, She Gave Him Meringue, Literally The Worst Vice Principal, Feline Time Travel, Disney Channel Tries to Say Slut, The Hook, The Snowsuit Guys, Magic Mops, Our Heroes Are Criminals, Get Out?, Casanova Zeke, No One Respects That The World Is Ending

Music: "Run It Back Again" by Corbin Bleu